5 Reasons Why Bethesda Softworks Sucks
If you love video role playing games, then you already know that on November 11, 2011 (which is this year; just a reminder in case you’re one of those people who lick windows) one of the biggest RPG franchises in history is rolling out with a new chapter in an award winning series. I am of course talking about The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, a first person, nonlinear fantasy RPG. There’s going to be allot of marketing hype in the next few months regarding Skyrim’s release, but you shouldn’t pay attention to any of it because Bethesda dosen’t know how to make a decent game anymore. Here are the top 5 most compelling arguments as to why Bethesda Softworks sucks.
10. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion sucked: I can’t think of a better way to get this trainwreck rolling than to point out that the last Elder Scrolls game, sucked giant moose cock wrapped in roadkill bacon. The in game dialogue was voiced by maybe (MAYBE) six people. So just take an entire country, fill it with people, and listen to them all talk in the same six voices (BRILLIANT!) The AI controlling the conversational dialogue between the NPCs was so broken that, whenever you wandered into a city, it essentially felt like the player had accidentally stumbled into a medieval hospice full of alhziemer’s patients. Oblivion also implemented a horse riding system that was clearly designed by someone who hates riding horses. Nothing like fleeing down the side of a monster infested mountain on something with the handling capabilities of a crashed airliner embedded inside a deep-sea volcano. And let’s not forget Gamebyro, the physics engine that has made every Bethesda-RPG a complete disaster. The worst thing about Oblivion was that the main missions, were boring. Here’s the entire game summarized. Go in a bunch of portals to hell, battle in a bunch of dungeons that all look exactly the same, beat the bad guy, the end. Of course there’s hours of extra gameplay, but since Bethesda screwed up practically everything about the interface, used a shitty game engine, and implemented some seriously poor mission and level designs, NOTHING IS WORTH PLAYING.
9. All the DLC for Oblivion was overpriced, and sucked: Instead of fixing any of the bugs players encountered in the main game, Bethesda decided to ignore those problems and release several low quality DLC packages. Half the packages were add-ons that added secret lairs for the player, each based on magic, thievery, and hand to hand combat(FINALLY; A BATCAVE I CAN CALL MY OWN). Problem is, since the main game sucked, after you built your super secret “who gives a shit” lair, there was nothing to do afterwards but sit in your chambers and twirl your mustache. They even had a “horse armor” DLC, which was an absolute scam. People bought it thinking, “Well, my horse is useless because it moves about as fast as a combo washer/dryer; if I give it some armor, maybe I can actually ride it around more without it constantly dying!” It’s only after you spend your money and download the DLC that you realise the “armor” is cosmetic.
8. Fallout 3 sucked: Bethesda also produced Fallout 3, the legendary sequel (obviously) to Fallout 2. Black Isle Studios made Fallout 1 & 2. Those were GREAT games, but when the company folded, production on the next game remained in limbo until Bethesda acquired the rights to the series, raped it, and aborted Fallout 3, one of the shittiest games I’ve ever played. For all intents and purposes, it is Oblivion Part II: Wasteland Edition. Everything that was wrong with Oblivion was present within the gameplay of Fallout 3. Same six voice actors. Same terrible AI. Thank god there were no horses.
7. All the Fallout 3 DLC sucked: And it sucked even harder than anyone thought possible. First of all, Bethesda announced that the DLC would only be released on the 360, basically telling anyone who bought the PS3 version to go sod off. They actually signed a deal with Microsoft, saying that they would only release said DLC on XBLA(MAJOR DICK MOVE BRAH), and then everyone with a PS3 went out and bought an 360, and then a short time later Bethesda released all the content on PSN anyway. And all that for literally the worst DLC campains ever released for a Bethesda game ever. There were five in total, and four of them were non-linear, gamebreaking pieces of garbage.
6. New Vegas was shipped broken: Gameplay wise, Fallout: New Vegas was leaps and bounds ahead of any of the other games on this list. Unfortunately none of the bugs were ever tested, and Bethesda shipped out a broken product and then took everyone’s money, and then probably jumped into a big pile of gold coins and swam around in it like Scrooge McDuck. There were so many game-killing bugs present in New Vegas when it was released that it’s insulting to think a game developer actually thought they could get away with it. The save system didn’t work. The game crashed literally every 10 minutes, and the frame rate drop during big battles and dialogue scenes overheated and crashed systems. I was appalled by the amount of problems the game had in it. And forget the DLC, because Bethesda never bothered fixing most of the bugs. If there’s no way to play the main game because you released a broken game, then why bother buying the DLC?
5. All their other games suck: The fact of the matter is that while Bethesda has enjoyed success with the Fallout and Elder Scrolls franchises, all their other games are garbage. Examples include Rogue Warrior, WET, Brink, Star Wars: Legacy, Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of The Earth, and Hunted: The Demon’s Forge. They’re a company that can’t get any game they make right, not even the game’s they’re known for.