There’s No Such Thing As a Free Hug
I loathe the first minute of meeting with friends. I am not a hermit who is fond of his small room, its blinds shut and door locked. And I don’t hate the idea of people, either.
My fear presents itself when I encounter those I know well, especially the opposite sex. I recently went to a friend’s house for drinks, and to my surprise, was bombarded with faces I hadn’t seen in a few years. Everyone was watching TV, Jamie Foxx was hosting the BET Awards show, but stood up when they saw me walk in. All the males in the room shook my hand like they were interviewing for a job, but the ladies refused this treatment.
I approached a familiar female face and smiled, raising my right hand in the air and got ready for a high-five. My clasped digits froze in the air as the girl’s face filled with disdain. Her arms that were outstretched now fell beside her.
“Ew,” she uttered.
I’m someone who limits his hugging. If I haven’t seen my grandmother for a long time, I’ll put my arm around her. My buddy just survived two months in South America with just a backpack? Here’s a nice squeeze (a manly one with a few pats on the back, of course). And if I’m saying goodbye to my significant other at an airport’s drop off area, I’ll be sure to grab her tight around the waste and hold on as if life depended on it.
But those obligatory, often feigned physical interactions with acquaintances who wouldn’t give a damn if you never talked to them ever again are beyond bothersome to me. Why is it that some are made to feel awkward or uncomfortable? Isn’t a high-five or an improvised handshake enough of a greeting?
Some would say no.There are psychological effects of embracing. According to Parveen Chopra’s article, hugging shows others you care. Dr. Achal Bhagat, a psychiatrist in Delhi, India, claims that, “Touch is an important component of attachment as it creates bonds between two individuals.”
If you see a shady character with a “Free Hugs” T-shirt, you don’t necessarily want to make him your best friend. But studies have shown that long hugs, those that last up to six seconds, can lower blood pressure and increase blood levels of oxytocin, a hormone that helps relaxation.
These studies were convincing, so I decided to give random hugs a try. And coincidentally enough, the day I convince myself to do this, I run into the same girl who had been appalled that I rejected her embrace in my friend’s living room.
So, I’m at my favorite local coffee shop with a new book from the library. I see her through the window, her head down, focused on her graduate school prep work. I get nervous. The last hug I initiated was with my grandmother a month ago.
I get to her, hovering over her right shoulder, and she notices me. She doesn’t get up.
“How have you been?” I say with a smile.
I go for it.
My left arm reaches around the middle of her back, my grasp strong enough to support someone falling after losing his balance. From the corner of my eye, I see her right arm reach for the area I was standing in.
I didn’t feel anything.
She might have grazed my shirt, or maybe I was concentrating so hard on my own hug that I didn’t notice hers.
Her “hug” was not a sign of bonding or assurance that it would relinquish any physical pain or sadness. Her arm accidentally touched my back, withdrawing so fast as if she touched a hot plate. It was awful.
Rejected and confused, I retreated to a seat outside and looked toward a busy avenue. My friend arrived and was now standing next to me, waiting for the obligatory first greeting.
We didn’t hug.
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Huh, not sure why the Jezebel link is there at the end of the post.Apologies for an unintentional and unrelated link
There was an episode of Frasier that dealt with this.He was averse to hugging but everyone else around him doled out hugs so gleefully.
I think the biggest “problem” I have with hugs is knowing when to let go and how to go about it.Different cultures and people dictate the rules of hugging, and I would rather just shake.
But the girl you talked about doesn’t seem like a very warm or nice person to begin with:S
Unless you are a loved one, all you get off me is either a hello or a handshake, if you want a hug, buy a teddy bear
There was an episode of Frasier that dealt with this.He was averse to hugging but everyone else around him doled out hugs so gleefully.
I think the biggest “problem” I have with hugs is knowing when to let go and how to go about it.Different cultures and people dictate the rules of hugging, and I would rather just shake.
But the girl you talked about doesn’t seem like a very warm or nice person to begin with:S