A Common, Yet Unaccepted View of Intimate Relationships

Jesse | Published on Aug 18, 2009

Many women call men jerks because men are unfaithful, cheaters, untrustworthy etc. to their girlfriends. As a straight male I don’t have ethical background to speak for a woman, agay man, and most certainly a gay woman. (Just to make things clear because this is my own point of view on relationships “straight” and “gay”). Even though I may lack experience in being in relationships, I can claim that intimate relationships are not good within a pair. (Or unless you are very open, more than two people in a relationship, hey, i’m sure it exists, I can’t leave anyone left out right?). The reasons why I feel this way is because first, love cannot be tamed by us humans. Secondly, you don’t need to be in an intimate relationship to be in love, or be loved. That is why you have friends. I know, if you are a woman reading this you are thinking “Typical male thinking”. Well, it’s my point of view, so let me justify myself.

Over my teenage lifetime I have been told experiences of what seemed to be the perfect matched couples turn into the most horrid, unforgettable, “I wish we had broken up sooner”, or a really funny one “Goddamn, I just wanted to bang her but she said she loved me, and I was falling for her as well!” Hahaha. Well, I think intimate relationships are not necessary to feel a satisfaction of self completion or completing another. As many of you have heard before, if your “significant other” “completed” you, then how were you living before this person met you? Did you feel incomplete since your early childhood? Or, at some point in your life, did a half of you just disparate? The most common answer is “Well, society is pushing us towards relationships because everyone is promoting the idea that being with a person out of love will bring us happiness that we alone could not achieve”. As confident as this answer may be, I find one flaw in it. If what you say is true, then you alone without your significant other, you are incapable of handling life’s tasks. What I mean by this is people get used to relying on others just because love tends to work that way. “Love is the answer to all our problems”. Well, no it’s not. In fact, because of love, your problems are more likely to grow. I’ll give you an easy example. Let’s say you are going to pay your tuition for college, but your “significant other’s” birthday is coming up, and he/she really wants a new coat that will run you pretty high, you decide to buy the coat because you love him/her so much, that you would do anything to make their birthday their best birthday so far. So you buy the coat, but now you don’t have the sufficient money to pay your tuition, and you don’t have a way to regain the money that went for the coat. Because you would go so far as to please another over your own self even if it means postponing your education or goals, I like to look at life in a logical standpoint. And if you asked me, “What is the opposite side of logic?” My answer to you is love. Love makes you do things that you wouldn’t normally do. What kind of things? Stupid things. Things that after a relationship ends. you will say “Geez, I was a damn idiot for doing this for her/him, he/she doesn’t even care now”. I’m not going to give detailed examples because I’m sure you are going “Daaamn….” (This is the part where you drift into the memories when you felt like a loser for doing something that you now regret). Did you recollect yourself? Good. Let’s move on to why I believe friends, if you are going to love, are a better choice than a “significant other” when it comes to “love”.

Okay. This is where my point of view regarding love and intimate relationships with your significant other really becomes clear. In order to love or be loved, you do not have to be committed with someone who you have dreams of being together until death, and of course after death. Many problems flourish from loving just one person. The problems come from the person you love, yourself, and people around you that know about this relationship (friends and family). When it comes to the “members” in the intimate relationship, some of the problems that arise are insecurity, jealousy, trust issues, power-stances, irritation that MUST be put up with and oh so many more. These issues lead to very hard conflicts in the relationship that of course lead to the ending of the unity once set that felt was just perfect and had hopes of lasting a lifetime. What I think people do when they have “tenure” in a relationship is that they can do anything they want because face it, they have been in a relationship for such a long time with a person that even no matter what they do, their partner will always love them back no matter what, because really, they love him/her for who they really are. WRONG. Just because you say “I love you” even though you act like a complete douche does not mean the person will continue to feel the same way he/she felt the day you two meet and started the relationship, or I hope they don’t. The purity and cuteness of a new relationship is just like a baby’s first burp. It’s adorable and funny when the newborn baby burps. The mother laughs, the people around laughs. Everyone laughs. But in soon time this baby will grow up. This baby is now a six year old, now a ten year old, now this baby is fifteen years old and still burping. At this point people find this rude, disgusting, and inappropriate. This analogy goes right with relationships. Little perks that were once forgivable in relationships get old and frustrating that they cause annoyance between the couple in the relationship. The only reason why the relationship continues to exist is because people spew empty promises like “I’m sorry, I’ll try better next time”. An analogy for this would be a parked car next to a parking meter. You put in a dollar of coins for an hour to avoid getting a ticket, after fifty eight minutes, and in danger of getting a ticket you go back and put in ten cents, then you put another twenty cents just to avoid getting the ticket. You don’t put in a dollar like you did initially. All you are really trying to do is avoid the ticket as effortless as possible. The same goes with relationships. Sorry excuses make couples mad. At this point of the relationship the sparks of love are mere memories and they question, “Where is this relationship going to?”

The next problem that relationships bring comes from the people around the relationships, those people being friends and family. Of course your friends and family members will be happy that you have found a partner who you could love and be happy, and express feelings you have been dying to express, but in order to experience that you sacrifice your friends and maybe even family members. I’ll tell you a little funny story to make clear of what I am trying to say. I know a friend who’s name is Jack. Jack liked this girl named Jill. Jack and Jill got together. Me and his other friends and family members were happy for him. He started to go to her house and sleep over frequently. Sometimes two days, three days, maybe even four. So out of the whole week, he would be at his house for only three days, maybe four. Yeah, I’m sure Jack liked being with the girl he loved. But little along the lines, Jill didn’t want Jack hanging around with us. She wouldn’t let him mention us in his conversations, she didn’t like us calling/texting him. I wouldn’t like to believe, but it might be clear that she wanted to have us not talk to him at all, period. At some point, my friend Chip said “Dude, you are letting her take over your life. You are barely twenty years old, you’re too young to be tied with someone who seems to have trust issues. Either you break it off, or I don’t think you and I can continue to be buddies”. I’ll tell you what happened between Jack and Chip, they no longer talk. For one person who you love might mean losing not just one friend, but many and other people you know. Personally for me, I don’t believe that is a fair trade. The reason why I believe this is because a “lover” can come and go and be replaced, but a friendship cannot.

“Then if relationships don’t exist Raymond, what kind of meaning would sex have and what about sexual intercourse overall?” Yeah. I thought about this. And honestly, I believe the only reason why intercourse exists is for two simple reasons. The first reason is to re-procreate. The second reason is just out of mere carnal pleasures. I don’t believe sex should have a significant meaning of unity but a mutual sexual satisfaction of two people or a group. The reason why I believe this is because people have a tendency to think, “Well, we had sex, does that make us a couple now? I feel something special”. Obviously the answer is no. Just because you had sex with someone who is available to be in a relationship, does not mean you have to now be in one because sex is available and you want to hold on to it. Monogamous sex will cause frustration in a relationship because at some point, even if you mix it up, members in the relationship will get tired of the same thing. And the members in the relationship will seek out for other sexual connections by close friends, pornography, and people who will offer sex by means of trade (money, jewelry, food, cellular phones, Armani suits, etc..)(Hahahaha)). This of course will bring verbal and hopefully not physical confrontations within the relationship, and cause the end of the relationship due to “unfaithfulness”. So why go through all these problems, instant consents when starting a relationship, limitations, and no-nos when you can have sex whenever you want and with who you want as a single person? Love is not a factor when having sex. I know that sounds harsh, but that is how I view sex. Sexual tension is the reason for sex. Period.

Are you dead inside Raymond that you don’t believe in love? Well, I’m not dead inside, every woman I meet I don’t automatically think “I want to bang her”, and I do believe in love. But this kind of love is a general love to people I respect and I know who will respect me and care about me no matter what. People who I love are my mother and friends, male and female. No, I am not a homosexual when I mean I love my male friends. What this means is that I care for them a lot, just like my mother because we’ve known each other and been through some crazy stuff together. Their love is what helps me move on day to day because no matter what, they will be reachable. Here is a question, “How many ex-boyfriends/girlfriends do you still talk to as if nothing happened when your relationships ended, are you still cool?” Yeah, some ex-partners still keep in contact, but the percentages do not overtake my position.