A Girl’s Quick Guide for Getting Through the Tough Times
I am shedding light on the sustained periods of personal “growth” we as women get thrown into like gladiators left to fend for themselves with no advanced notice or appropriate armor or weaponry. I am talking about the week you were let go from work, found out your man was getting cozy with the bartender at your favorite watering hole (how dare he make me switch bars), your credit card interest rate just about doubled and your pms seemed to have kicked in about two weeks two early. WARNING: Do not down all the spirits in your liquor cabinet, much less ingest all items in your pantry with a sugar content over 65% (although it may be tempting).
Breathe, relax and focus for a moment. When negativity seems to abound and you feel like you could sing the blues with the rest of them, take a step back. Upon finding myself alone in a foreign country (Sweden), and having just been broken up with by the man of my dreams (yes, my own personal version of my Brad Pitt), I had a lot of time to sit around and sulk. It was a VERY small town in Sweden and I had more than a few hours to kill. Yikes! What’s a girl to do?
The first thought that comes to mind- I need to cry, I want to cry, why am I not crying? I do not know anyone here, I need to get back to the US, and IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? Well, I chalk it up to the strength of a woman combined with enough post-relationship analysis I am a self-proclaimed expert at this point. The following method got me through one of my most challenging moments, and I hope it helps my fellow lady friends all over, heaven forbid they encounter a similar situation. Whether your career is stagnant after you have given beyond your best, you have lost someone dear to your heart (deceased or living) or a chain of unfortunate events have presented themselves to your life all at once, fear not. It may take some time and practice but the following combination will surely ease your burden and put the whole quandary into perspective.
Contact a friend or family member as soon as you feel you are at your emotional capacity. This can be a best friend, parent, sibling or partner. Chances are, someone close to you has your best intentions at heart and wants what is best for you. Plus they can step outside the situation and recommend less emotional measures even if you want to pick up and move to a remote island to teach scuba diving for the next year.
Ensure you are in a safe environment. You need to go to a place where your stress is reduced not heightened. This allows both your mind and body to breathe a little bit so your focus becomes more clear. This does not mean taking a double margarita as your companion on a solo drive “so you can relax” while listening to sad songs. Put your favorite pjs on, light some candles and listen to a relaxing playlist from your iTunes library. If you prefer not to be alone go to a friends house (make sure it is a positive person who always knows how to make you smile).
Grab a piece of paper and jot down at least ten things you are thankful for. Although it may seem like the world has come crashing down there are plenty of reasons to be thankful. Perhaps you lost your job. Now you have the world at your fingertips! Go pursue what you have always wanted to do even if it involves a totally different career path. If you are paralyzed by the loss of your one and only ( I can identify, as I wondered why this happened to me in southern Sweden on a cold, rainy day on what was supposed to be my romantic vacation), focus on all your wonderful traits and realize that for every door that closes, hundreds more open. Remember the saying there are plenty of fish in the sea? Well, one walk through the Copenhagen airport and I realized there are plenty of male-fishies just waiting to be fished by a confident lady!
Write down your goals. This may seem like a redundant exercise but jotting down your aspiration puts you one step closer to having the life you have dreamed about. Dream big as you like, but also keep the list within reason. You want to set goals you can attain and feel proud of. Maybe you want to speak another language or take that weekend trip with your best friend. Go for it! Dedicate time to nourish your needs and wants, and I promise you will not be disappointed.
Get thee to the bookstore. Immediately go to the section that inspires you. Grab your favorite cup of joe and dive into the fanciful world of books. One of my best friends swears by the women’s self-help section every time she hits a major bump in the road. Topics include women that have achieved the impossible, lived life to the fullest and challenged the status quo. You cannot tell me it is not fun to identify with women who rose above trials and tribulations and smile all the while.
Exercise. Nothing can replace exercise when it comes to physical and mental health. Aside from boosting endorphins, increasing serotonin, aiding digestion and other physical bonuses (such as slipping back into your skinny jeans), it just plain makes you feel like the hot goddess you are! My best friend is a die-hard marathon runner and swears by it. She used to leave voicemails forcing me to get out of bed and meet her at our apartment gym to chat while jogging on the treadmill. At the time I hated it and repeatedly explained that I enjoy sports and sprinting, NOT distance running. Five years later I run weekly and have completed several half marathons that make me feel like Wonder Woman. So whether you need to find your center of balance doing downward dog or want to take your frustrations out on the punching bag in your kickboxing class, make a habit out of sweating. I promise it will empower your body and spirit even on the days you cannot find your rose colored glasses.
In sum, no matter what lemons life has thrown your way be sure to follow this simple set of go-to’s when you are down in the dumps. Throughout history, women have not only endured and survived but blossomed and thrived. Every day you wake up is a new day and the world is your oyster. Throw open the curtains, take your glass half full and make yourself proud!
By Courtney M Smith
http://www.linkedin.com/in/courtneymsmith
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Im deffinately feeling this! Except I have 4 small children just got seperated from my partner of 5 years and have a full time Career! Its tough but I will survive It may be a mans World but it would be nothing with out a Woman!!!!
Great advice! Every bad thing that happens to you is just an oppurtunity to show how amazing you are (and new material to write with!)
Well written! Concise and inspirational, I will be passing it along. Keep up the good work, and have fun while you are in Sweden! I want to move there so badly, you just don’t know… One of the most progressive countries in the world!
Great article! You are totally correct. Things happens (and it always seems at the time, to be the worst) at the most unexpected times. It challenges us, our morale, and our strength. But boy does it show us how strong and great we can be. I always say, “If I can make it through this today, then I can make it through anything”. You never seem to realized how defeated you felt in prior situations, when you’re going through something else. You forget just how powerful you can be and how amazing you are. I have to always say “this is not a mountain, it’s just a speed bump”…
All happens for a reason and never when we want it to, but once we’ve journey’d past it, we realize that it was all necessary. It’s the next step we HAVE to take in order to claim our prize “the bigger picture”…..