Bad Kissers
Dick Cheney: definitely a bad kisser. Let me explain.
How does someone end up being a bad kisser as an adult? After all, you aren’t born with an immutable kissing style, doomed to forever kiss in the same manner. You are free to change the way you kiss any number of times and every mirror represents a practice field.
Yet despite all of this, some people are just plain bad. Here’s why. No one ever tells them that they’re bad. They spend their kissing days thinking that they are experts, Don Juans of the mouth, Aphrodites of the tongue. While all the while their partners are trying not to gag, or wince, or reach for a sponge.
No one tells them because it’s much easier not to say anything. To tell someone that they are doing something wrong is hard, and it’s much harder when that something is as central to their ego as kissing quality.
We avoid telling them because we don’t want to embarrass them, or hurt their feelings. But, in the end, we do them a much bigger disservice. We condemn them to go on to their next partner just as kissingly challenged as they were when they came to us.
This is the part where someone prone to fairness in all things usually points out that being a “good” or “bad” kisser is subjective and that maybe someone else will find the person’s style just as good as we found it bad. This might be true of some people whose style is just incompatible with our own while not necessarily being outright horrible. But there are still people out there who are just plain bad, and anyone kissing them with any sort of experience will know it.
If you care about the person, find a way to tell them sweetly, or guide them by telling them what you prefer. But even if you don’t care about them, even if you just brought them home from the bar only to find out they kiss by the book, even if you plan on tossing them out immediately, you’d still be doing the world at large and that person specifically a favor if you first let them know that they’ve got some work ahead of them.
These conversations are never easy, but they can make an enormous difference in someone’s life and are almost always worth having.
So why did I start out by accusing Dick Cheney of being a bad kisser? How could I possibly know? No, I haven’t talked to Lynne. But Cheney is a classic example of what happens when a person never gets told that they have major problems. The people around him have allowed him to go on believing that he is right when, in fact, he is oh so egregiously wrong.
In his case, my theory is that it started with bad kissing and went right on up to nation shaming. How could someone whose actions and beliefs are so unpopular continue bull-headedly forward without so much as a second thought?
No one he was a kissin’ ever told him he was a bad kisser, so he went right on kissing just like always. No one he trusted ever told him his ideas were wrong, so he kept right on believing them. And still, today, no one close to him will tell him that the 87% of the country who dislike him might just be worth listening to and so he keeps right on doing whatever it is that he’s doing.
So next time you find yourself cringing while kissing someone, just think, if you don’t say anything you might just be responsible for letting them continue down the path to the dark side. And let’s be honest, we do not need another Sith vice-president any time soon.
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Maybe the reason no one ever told Cheney he was a bad kisser has more to do with his shooting skills !!!!
Great piece! Interesting theory…