Holiday cheer got you down?
Are you weary of the cheerful, honest and innocent goodness that is the holiday season? I most certainly am not, but if you find that you are, below are ten despicable things you can do if you’re at all displeased with all the merriment around you. ( I in no way condone such childish and mean-spirited behavior.)
1. Go to a library and rearrange a bunch of books from their rightful place; kudos if your library has multiple floors.
2. Silently fart in a densely populated area and blame the disgusting odor on the nearest person.
3. Stop saying “please” or “thank you” for anything to anyone.
4. Deconstruct the myth of Santa Clause to every young child you encounter.
5. Go to any fast food restaurant and tear open all the ketchup and hot sauce packets for no reason at all.
6. When someone asks you for the time, add or subtract 45 minutes to the actual time.
7. When spotting an incomer, prop a door open a bit in advance of their arrival and then promptly shut it immediately before they pass through.
8. Ask to borrow someone’s pen or pencil and don’t return it.
9. Whenever you receive a gift, respond with: “I got you something too, but this really hairy sweaty dude pushed me over on my way here and took it. I sure hope the cops get him”.
10. If you see a ladder, push it over.
Happy Holidays.
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