parties, facebook, and guilt
Last Friday night, I went to a party at UCSD for a friend’s birthday. She turned 21 and of course a party was not without people getting intoxicated and acting dumb. I took a lot of pictures and I was not afraid to post them up on facebook until someone reminded me that my dad is my facebook friend.
As I opened the photo album, I had to block my dad from my album. I didn’t feel right doing that. My pictures are not outrageous or scandalous at all, but I suppose I am just worried about the reactions that my dad will have when he sees this kind of pictures where my friends and my face are all glowing and shinning.
A day after I uploaded the pictures and blocked my dad, I suddenly remembered that my dad’s friend is also my friend on facebook. If my dad’s friend talks to my dad about this party that I went to, my dad would probably feel really disappointed in me as I have deliberately blocked him from a part of my life.
I know I can always set a photo album to completely private for everyone except for the people in the album, but at the same time, I feel like I should have nothing to hide. People in college drink and have fun. Plus, I didn’t do anything stupid or irresponsible and the atmosphere of the party was comparably innocent and clean.
Though for me, I guess it is unusual for me behave this way and post this kind of pictures. I am a devout Christian and I have a lot of Christian friends that are strictly opposed to drinking and partying. However, I just feel like having a little bit of fun during special occasions is not something bad. But pictures are worth a thousand words. I know that when some of my friends see a picture that involves a mere bottle of beer in it, they would immediately associate it with “debauchery” but nothing else.
Therefore, as much as I had a lot of fun during the party, I can’t help but let my fear of people’s judgment and disappointment overwhelmed and burdened me. As I had spent a long time in college standing firm to the principle of not drinking, the last thing I want people to think is that I am just a hypocrite. However, there are just joyous times like this when I just couldn’t help it but to let loose, act my age, and have fun with my close group of friends.
Did I do something wrong? If I know that I didn’t, why do I still feel so guilty and burdened? Perhaps, I simply cannot afford having such fun because I am too concerned with what other people would think of me and my principle. Perhaps, I should just continue to be infallibly good and stick to what people have expected of me. Maybe that way, I might feel better.
P.S. If his dad needs to get a life because he’s on facebook, then so do you. :)