Finals.

Jesse | Dec 12, 2008

In the quarter system, it seems that finals come around more often than the flu. There is never a sense of calm in academic circles, because it’s either the class introduction, midterms (which begin the 3rd week and continue through the week before finals) or finals. This never-ending liteny of assessment can make a person go mad.  However, finals is a unique entity all unto itself, with specific tell-tale signs that exist no matter who you are.

No one does full market shopping because they’re “leaving,” but really it’s because no one wants to take the time to cook. There is little to no regard for calorie intake because coffee and sugar require constant replenishing in one’s system in order to not produce energy crashes that take hours to reboot.  The library suddenly becomes the happening place to be and finding a table there is like hitting a hip LA hangout on a saturday night.  Suddenly time exists only in a countdown to the next final or paper due, and blue books and scantrons are a hot commodity.

The most telling sign of finals, however, is the distressed look on the faces of the students that can only be recognized by the thousands of other paniced co-eds who can barely remember what classes they’re taking let alone what they learned when the quarter or semester started. All of a sudden students are reading hundreds of pages at lightening speed and typing so fast their hands are just a blur grazing the keyboard.

Countdowns begin on facebook, days, hours, minutes until the freedom sets in, and friends at different schools or with different finals schedules find that they’re taunting one another with when they can finally take a deep breath and reduce their coffee (or caffeinated tea) intake without risking hand shaking or falling asleep drooling on their cognitive psychology textbooks.

The relief that sets in when finals finally draw to a close is unmatched and indescribably satisfying, no matter how hard you studied.  Campus’ clear out like there was a mandatory evacuation and college towns become like ghost towns.  But mostly, brains turn off and all analytical thought gets shifted to auto-pilot for a brief and glorious period of stagnancy.

Here’s to the wonder that is the end of finals. May it be as magnificent as it is thoughtless!