And the winner is: That silly Y chromosome

Jesse | Feb 18, 2009

If our story finalists were any indication, the Y chromosome is still struggling to adapt to modernity.  Built in a time when language had not yet developed and thus brute shows of strength and wit (and cave painting of course) were the only means to attract a mate, it has lagged in this modern age of the written and spoken word.

One story highlighted a man so daunted by writing that he re-used a letter written to another woman.  The other a man who spent who knows how much money on an ostentatious show of malfunctioning chocolate sculpture.

The debate was fierce.  There were long lines at the polling places.  The exit polls swung wildly.  With 64% of precincts reporting it looked like it was over, but late returns from the heavily populated North South Corridor came in at the wire amidst a whirlwind of change we were waiting for.

And so, after discarding all hanging chads and performing three fully corroborated recounts, the winner of the first annual Love Dub Valentine’s Day story competition is…Note-orius!

Congratulations to the author who will soon be receiving the pride and admiration of her peers, as well as a Love Dub t-shirt and candelabra and quite possibly (but actually extremely unlikely) a year of free tuition at the University of her choice.

Let’s get back to that silly Y chromosome.  Now look, I have one, and so does the entire Love Dub staff, since they are me (or is it they are I?), and we (I) wouldn’t give it up for any, or even all, of the empty cabinet spots in the United States Government.  But that said, man oh man, it gives rise to some real doozies now and again.

A classic that bears mentioning because it consistently drives me crazy is the directions thing.  What’s with most men being unwilling to ever stop and ask directions?  This cannot possibly be a “beat your chest and impress the females” technique since often by the time you’ve found your destination you have driven in so many circles and been lost for so long that she’s too carsick and hungry to be impressed.

Maybe it’s a deeply ingrained fear of showing weakness in front of other males.  Maybe 10,000 years ago if you stopped to ask the gas station attendant for directions he would see you as vulnerable and you would be demoted in the tribe and then you would have to get his gas from then on.

You ever wonder why they put female voices on car GPS machines?  It’s because if you put a male voice on there guys wouldn’t use them.  They’d start arguing with the thing, or turn it off to prove they could find the path without the “other guy’s” help.

Sheesh.

Another thing the Y chromosome laden population is known to do is the last minute pseudo-regret.  This is when a man ends a relationship with a woman and it seems like he doesn’t care at all.  Maybe he even starts going out with other women.  But the second his ex-girlfriend starts dating someone else he comes back declaring his everlasting love and expressing his eternal regret for being so stupid in not realizing it before.

This isn’t about realizing a mistake.  It’s about the comfort and ego support that comes from knowing you can have someone back if you want them.  Realizing that you’ve lost that ability is enough of a blow to make a lot of guys willing to do or say anything to get it back.

After all, the Y chromosome only has one leg to stand on as it is.  Take away any more support and all you’re left with is a “V”.  According to the ancient Greeks, humans with the 46 XV genotype are stuck at a perpetual age of 15.  Actually, come to think of it, I guess that wouldn’t be so much of a change after all.

Questions/Comments can be sent to [email protected]