CollegeTimes

Right Mind, Wrong Place (The Plight of Lefties)

left-powerIt’s something Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Leonardo da Vinci, Mozart, Albert Einstein, Mark Twain, Henry Ford, Winston Churchill, the last four U.S. presidents (Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama), and Tom Cruise all had to overcome: the right-handed world.

Over the centuries, the question has been raised again and again in academic circles – does the shunned left-handed minority flourish because of their in-congruence, or are they just, say, more intelligent by nature?

But more to the point, why the heck aren’t there enough lefty desks at UC Irvine and why do all the right-handed kids always steal them?

Interestingly, though inventions like the door and automobile have been constructed to fit the right-handed world, many such technical developments are actually the result of left-handed brilliance: architects claim more left-handers than almost any other profession, and the car itself was invented by a lefty!

But as we continue to subconsciously unscrew our jelly jars and throw salt over our left shoulder to fend off evil spirits, many students at UCI and universities across America are having a wee bit of trouble taking Scantron tests on the right-handed cutting-boards we call desks. Let’s take a look at the main lecture halls around the UCI campus:

  • PSLH – 449 seats, 39 lefties
  • SSLH – 397 seats, 41 lefties
  • HSLH – 358 seats, 13 lefties
  • HIB 100 – 345 seats, 27 lefties
  • ELH – 276 seats, 34 lefties
  • SSH – 255 seats, 9 lefties
  • HH Theater – 165 seats, 0 lefties

Now, perhaps it isn’t immediately obvious to the “logical” right-hander, but the left-handed populous is, in this campus-wide representation, severely ignored (if we are being politically correct). We can compute it a bit further to make it more obvious: 2245 seats with only 163 lefty desks available – hey! That’s barely 7 percent!

Most studies indicate that between 13-15% of the current world population is left-handed. In fact, this percentage has been rising for a while, perhaps as social notions about the disgustingness of the left hand are slowly “left behind” (pun intended) in different areas of the world. Now, factor in the realms of right-handers who want to pretend on test days that they are in their right mind (or maybe just want… more room for their left knee?) and the situation quickly spirals beyond acceptable limits.

But we all know there is probably some “design” reasoning, or maybe there is no money left in the budget for renovations that disperse body discrimination. So, instead, left-handed students are forced to side-saddle those god-awful plastic chairs from the 1960’s while the comfortably placed right-hander next to them sips tea and shoves their elbow up somewhere it doesn’t belong. The most awkward thing of all though, is when we have to try to slip the cutting-board desks out from under the armpit of the kid sitting next to us, with the added announcement that, “Oh, yah, I’ll be staring at you for the rest of lecture, I’m a side-saddler, sorry.”

If these figures referred to UCI’s hiring of minorities, the ACLU would be all over this in seconds.

We lefties are just wondering why, somehow, having to visit the chiropractor after every Statistics lecture doesn’t seem to apply the same rationale. I mean, there always seems to be $40 million laying around for handicap ramps to accommodate the one wheelchair kid on campus!

But in the end, perhaps these struggles are what strengthen the lefty elite and provide us with such amazing insight. Or maybe we lefties are just crazy – but then again, that’s what they told Napoleon when he wanted to dig a tunnel under the English Channel to Britain.

I think right-handers now call it the Chunnel.

About the Author

Jesse

Tags:

5 thoughts on "Right Mind, Wrong Place (The Plight of Lefties)"

  1. FACT FInder says:

    so….. do devil worshipers have a sense of humor? I was wondering…. looks like JJ’s got a little baggage… :)

  2. Sinistre says:

    JJ says:
    I’m also a lefty. I guess the right-mind avoids narcissistic products by nature.

    LOL, I wonder if they’ve figured out my name yet, mind you i’m surprised they haven’t asked us if we’re devil worshippers yet. =)

  3. JJ says:

    I’m also a lefty. I guess the right-mind avoids narcissistic products by nature.

  4. Sinistre says:

    FACT FInder says:
    It’s also well know that Lefties use MACS and not PC’s, and that makes them wrong.

    I’m left handed and I use a P.C, I guess that makes you wrong. =)

  5. FACT FInder says:

    It’s also well know that Lefties use MACS and not PC’s, and that makes them wrong.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*