Say No to… Cankles?

Jesse | Aug 24, 2009

They’re right, you know. There’s a reason that you haven’t found anyone yet. Besides your unkempt hair, lack of fashion sense, and poor posture. Those,right there,by your feet. Enough to make any suitor run in repulsion. Your unseemly and unsightly cankles, my dear.

Yeeeaaah. That’s society talking, and what I’m hearing is troubling.

Think of the economy at the moment. The jobs lost or in jeopardy, the houses foreclosed, people skimping on luxuries and even some necessities.

Now imagine spending $4,000 to $8,000 on ankle liposuction… a.k.a. “cankle” surgery.

You read right. Cankles, or the newest problem spot to plague women(and select men) everywhere. Derided for their nonexistent indententation where the calf meets the ankle, cankles have earned the rolling eyes of any sensible person in America.

But institutions like Gold’s Gym are asking people to “Say No to Cankles” . Spot reduce, they spout, encouraging people(well, women) to flock to their gym to get those ankles nice and shapely. Really now, the type of people who are judging you by your ankles are the type that deserved to be branded with a ‘Change 08’ shirt and suspended above a pit of rabid Republican protesters at a town hall meeting.

Can you imagine a culture more self absorbed and two-dimensional than one that even gives a platform to the cankle brigade? It’s inevitable that people have body insecurities, but when I hear about cankles or even earlobe reduction surgery(“earrings look awful on me!”), we’ve gone too far. One hopes that one day, women will collectively sigh and say “that’s it, screw this body image paranoia.” Now that cankles have been tied into self acceptance and mate finding(can’t attract a husband with those ankles), it adds another level in the quest to perfection.Placed on a shelf next to cosmetic vaginal reconstruction surgery, muffin tops, and bingo wings. Maybe this shame parade on ankles can be used as a platform for discussion.Obviously the advertisers of Gold’s Gym wouldn’t have run the campaign if there wasn’t a market to prey on.

But in a recent CNN health highlight on this blight of cankles, podiatrist Dr. Kathya Zinszer is just happy that people are talking about ankles. And isn’t it true that we don’t really notice them until there’s a health problem with them? According to Zinszer, these problems range from signs of cardiovascular risk to injured ligaments, so there’s a legitimate reason to pay attention.

Now embrace your chubby ankles.