10 Best Ways to Not Look American While Traveling
Everyone should take pride in their country, but there are times when sticking out from the crowd is not helpful, especially for Americans, who often find themselves the target of robberies, violence, theft, kidnapping, or otherwise while traveling. Ridicule has gone down in the post-Bush era, but still. Even when you can’t truly blend in because of your skin color or otherwise, its still best to try a little bit. Here you go:
1. Wipe that smile off your face
This is obvious to most people, besides Americans. If you walk around gawking, laughing, smiling, or generally seem overly entertained by yourself, then you look American. This is especially true in groups… not to mention large groups of happy blonde girls. Don’t smile for your passport photo either. You look… stupid.
2. Leave your tennis shoes at home
Most of the world still wears leather shoes, or a rubber-leather hybrid. In some places, they even still have shoe-shine boys (gasp!). This is becoming less true as time goes on, but wearing tennis shoes, skater shoes, or dumbass hiking boots are a sure giveaway that you are carrying large amounts of cash. While you might feel gay wearing leather Aasics back in the States, its a great way to blend in a bit with locals in many places. Unless of course, you are in Cambodia, and everyone is short, dark skinned and wearing sandals. In which case… there’s really nothing some Americans can do.
3. Wear a sharp looking jacket with a zipper or buttons
No hoodies! No hoodies! No hoodies! Did you catch that? Also, no $300 North Face jackets either, unless you find yourself in certain Asian countries. In which case they are probably fake, but, at least you kinda fit in.
4. Wear a hat that you bought locally… if at all
Baseball caps used to give away Americans, but not anymore. They are popular from Japan to Argentina these days. However, they still probably give you away in a place like Europe. In any case, only wear a hat that the locals are wearing, and preferably not one supporting an American sports team.
5. Shut the hell up
This is somewhat related to being all smiles, as noted above, but seriously, you need to shut up. Its hard to realize how damn loud Americans are when you are, well, in America, but most of the world keeps conversations to a 3-foot hearing distance. And especially on the bus or in the cafe… and… ESPECIALLY in Japan. =)
6. Avoid blue jeans and especially avoid shorts
Wearing jeans doesn’t give Americans away as much either these days as they used to, but better safe than sorry. If you must wear jeans cuz you only want to bring a few pairs of durable pants, then either buy more pants locally or wear jeans that aren’t bright blue. Jeans are catching on around the world, but mostly in darker colors and designer styles. Whatever you do, don’t wear shorts. Shorts are probably the best way, ever, ever, to show the world you are American. And yes, even when its hot outside. Put on some damn pants.
7. Avoid backpacks and camera cases
If you want to carry a camera, then keep it in your pocket. And if you want to carry a bag, then get a gayish man purse (murse), shoulder bag, purse, or otherwise. Wearing a huge trekking pack or backpack in general is a great way to get robbed, every time. Plus, you look retarded. Unless you are climbing Everest, why do you need a trekking pack? At the very least, wear a small backpack. You’ve been warned.
8. Don’t whip out your iPhone in public
Americans aren’t the only ones who know what the latest eletronic trends are (its just that others usually can’t afford them)… so as soon as you bust out your fancy phone, GPS unit, or netbook, you are calling attention to yourself. Look around… is anyone else busting out a fancy cell phone? If not… then think twice about it. This goes for watches, jewelry, and other fancies as well. This isn’t Starbucks… you don’t need to show off. You just want to avoid being targeted!
9. Be wary of how you move/stand/sit/piss/interact
This is huge, although vague. In Asia, people sometimes queue up on the right side of escalators. In Arab countries, people often find a scrap of cardboard to put under their ass before EVER sitting down on a curb or wall. Nuances in the way you use your body and interact with other people tell a lot about you. If you have no idea, then pretend to tie your shoe or check a store, and observe what other people are doing. Just don’t look confused and lost and turn in circles in public… or once again, you will stand out.
10. At the end of the day, “when in Rome”…
…do as the Romans do. Its always best to buy clothes and products locally and pickup on patterns locally to truly blend in best. While this usually takes some time to do right, you can often make progress from a few minutes of opening your eyes and paying attention. Don’t let pride stand in the way mates… you can get back to your individualistic lives when you get home.
P.S. also, don’t be fat!
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Looking “gay” means that you look effeminate, like a pussy or a homo.
All this advice is great, Americans really do stand out my laughing too loudly, wearing jeans and sneakers everywhere, and ESPECIALLY shorts. Wearing any of these in a Mediterranean country immediately marks you as an uncouth American or loutish Brit. We despise Anglo-Saxons with their gross tats, pasty white or beet-red flesh, and tubby lard asses!
Btw — you’re a prick and you make Americans look bad :-)
Shut the hell up is true — Americans are way too loud.
Your article is really written poorly and offensively though.
What’s the problem with looking gay?
And must you use the word retarded?
You have very clearly exhibited your own Americanisms and demonstrated that you ought to be the target of a few muggings.
I backpacked actoss Europe for 6 weeks w a Jewish American friend of mine. This info may have been useful. But, the only person we were robbed by was another American. But, the advice is good and meant to be light. However, there were sneakers in Italy.
I don’t think the author of this article means that every other country houses criminals. If you look confused or oblivious people anywhere will know they can take advantage of you which is what this article is trying to prevent is a humorous way.
Although some things in this article were humorous, the use of “gay” and “retarded” as insults (as well as the “don’t be fat” at the bottom) were entirely unnecessary, insulting, rude, and uneducated.
This could have been a pretty great article, but you had to and use the words gay and retarded as pejoratives. Not cool at all, and definitely not funny. Also, the “don’t be fat” comment is completely unnecessary and incredibly rude (btw, Leanne, I am NOT fat and still offended). My tip, if you don’t want to seem too American when abroad, don’t be so rude, arrogant or ignorant. It’s a dead give away.
This is an incredibly offensive article. You’re not making a good impression of Americans at all by using such derogatory language. It’s also incredibly biased. Are you from another country? I didn’t think so.
I’m from Brazil and i’d never been at US. But I have to say that here in Brazil and in others country of South America, tmany things of this article don’t apply. Like: here in Brazil almost every boy my age (i’m 20) wears blue jeans every day! Brazilian people love to laugh, and they are very loud when talking. Also iPhone is pretty commom (of course it’s not common if you are in a favela or in a poor part of a town, what probabily will not happen if you are a american tourist). Sneakers, and “modern” sport wear is also pretty common. When advice i really give you all, if your trying to not look like a a guy or girl from us, is don’t use that pretty long pair of socks with a pair of sneakers or “trecking” boots if you are in a 100 °F day.
Where is this sentiment that he’s portraying Europe as a third world country coming from? He’s obviously talking about travel in general…taking out an iPod in Paris might not be a big deal but its not something you wanna do in Calcutta, Santo Domingo, Cairo, etc etc (i. e. the actual third world). … hell, I wouldn’t take out an iPad in many parts of the US either and were as first world as it gets (or so American sentiment goes….)
JJ, do america a favor, take your own advice and shut up.. I’m american and I see the incredible level of arrogance in this article. Please, just because you were in Europe for a week 20 years ago doesn’t mean you know everything about how to fit in all over the world, I’m sorry, but seriously man. This article was OBVIOUSLY written by an american. And you really did make it seem like Europe is some third-world continent..
@Rebecca- you must be fat, or you would agree. But overweight people are not common in other countries.
Don’t be fat? Wtf.
hehehe thts funny lol i like 2 stand out but really this is more about how 2 not stand out but its really funny
lol – “don’t be fat” Too true. Thanks!
“Americans aren’t the only ones who know what the latest eletronic trends are (its just that others usually can’t afford them)”
Others like who? I’m from central Europe and here practically everyone owns a car, a comp and a mobile phone. Every third youth I see is euqipped with an iPod and/or a fancy mobile. Almost all my friends have at least one of the following: Xbox 360/PS3/Mac.
Just sayin’.
….and for goodness sakes, DON’t BRING A MAC!!!!!
Avoid Jeans? Avoid backpacks?
JJ, have you even BEEN to europe?
Anyone who picks up the notion that Europe is 3rd world from this article is putting words in my mouth. Bright blue jeans on middle aged males (i.e. old skool construction jeans) do NOT exist often in Europe like they do in the US. And yes, I know from experience! :)
The most likely countries in Western Europe to run into problems are still Spain and Italy, partly because there are so many immigrants running around, but partly from other reasons. It’s not arrogance, its just the facts, and I’d give out all types of even STRONGER advice to Europeans who were planning a trip to New York or Los Angeles.
I must agree with stanfox to certain point. I know that this article is meant as humor (or at least I strongly hope so), but it DOES have that slight “America is superior and Europe is basicly an underdeveloped third world country”-attitude…
Blue jeans for example are so very common in pretty much all Europe that those would never give you away as an American…same goes for baseball caps and hoodies…as well for fancy cells and iPhones and such.
This article reeks of arrogance…and JJ, your reply to stanfox only makes that impression stronger.
Although I must say that all Americans I met personaly were very nice people and fun to have around…and only a few of them got robbed and molested by savage european brutes. They just wanted to have your marvelous fire machines with which you can strike fire without rubbing sticks together. :)
@stanfox, I’d listen to you, but.
have u ever left the states? thats the problem with you Yankees, u guys think ur superior…but ur just…Americans…
and yes, don’t travel at all…
Even if they become the same as the picture they won’t be able to hide their nationality because that is just how down town americans look. lol
just go shopping at wal-mart and take a look lol
lol, some of what you say makes a little sense I guess but to not smile!!
people are mirrors of yourself no smiling = none recieved