CDI College: Burnaby

A.K.A.  Toronto School of Business, Eminata Group (owner)
  (3.01/5.00)   |  16 Reviews
CDI College: Burnaby is a established in (unknown). The campus is located in and hosts students with an endowment of .  
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Institution Type:  Unknown
Established:  Unknown
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OVERALL QUALITY
Stimulating Courses
Quality of Professors
Networking & Job Opps
Area Around Campus
Affordability
Housing Situation
Extracurricular Opps
Teacher/Student Ratio
Administration/Staff
HOTNESS FACTOR
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16 Student Reviews of CDI College: Burnaby

  • Looks like the shills for this fraudulent “college” have been attempting to spam this site with rubbish in order to make it unreadable. Hopefully nobody will be stupid enough to fall for this “college” scam.

    Overall Score: (1/5.00)
  • MIXED METAPHORS
    “as much fun as shooting monkeys in a barrel”
    –Gary Swing

    ——————————————————————————–

    A car comes up behind you, flashing his horn.
    Aaron Colwick
    A carpenter was the low rung on a totem pole.
    Charles Hodge
    a heart as big as gold
    Kathy Scott
    A leopard can’t change his stripes.
    Al Gore
    A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.
    David Beck
    A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure.
    John_Nutting’s ex-girlfriend
    Adam wasn’t always the brightest tool.
    Darrell Ankarlo
    An automatic process failed. I’m going to have to kick it off by hand.
    The Russler
    and, for the cherry on top, great sound & production that’s crisp like a crunchy apple.
    Alan_Caylow
    [as if] it would somehow bring the public school system crumbling to its knees.
    Mark Davis
    as proud as pea soup
    The Russler
    As we consider the road that unfolds before us . . .
    Barack Hussein Obama Jr.
    beyond the question of a doubt
    Doug_Yochum
    biting the hand that rocks the cradle
    Sherri Barber
    ¡Botó la casa por la ventana!
    (It threw the house out the window!)
    Latin American saying used when someone throws a lavish party
    Brilliant sunshine rained down on Fort Collins.
    Rush Limbaugh
    But one has to tidy up the loose ends.
    Agatha Christie
    Button your seat belts.
    Rush Limbaugh
    Can’t you read the handwriting in the wind?
    Frank Burns
    Change is now baked into the fabric of EDS.
    Dick Brown, cooking & sewing expert
    changes that will ignite our engines of growth
    Dick Brown, with some explosive ideas
    cut from the same mold
    spotted in the newspaper by Eric Goberman
    Danny can squeeze money out of a turnip.
    Terry_Kitsen
    David’s come out of this one looking like a rose.
    Dennis Malley
    Did you hear what they feel?
    acquaintance of Steve Barber
    Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.
    Ray Romano
    Do you follow where I’m coming from?
    Steve_Bishop
    Does that play into the equation?
    anonymous sportscaster
    Don’t burn your bridges till you come to them.
    a general during WWII
    Don’t eat with your mouth full!
    Russell McLaughlin’s parents
    Don’t let the grass grow under a rolling stone.
    Jayne Armstrong
    Don’t pull the axe too quickly.
    Kevin
    Don’t take any wooden Indians.
    The Russler
    Drill that message home.
    someone at EDS
    . . . drawing the eye . . . like a magnet.
    field reporter on NBC5
    drop down gorgeous
    Theresa H’s mother, referring to a handsome man
    eating humble crow
    overheard by Steve Stein
    Even in a sewer, the cream rises to the top.
    Charles Emerson Winchester
    Everything got real dark, like snow.
    witness to the World Trade Center collapse
    everywhere you turn around
    a college senior
    fewer and fewer in between
    Jerry_L._Miller
    fiddling with his guitar
    Jimmy Webb, refering to Glen Campbell
    Frankly, we don’t know whether to wind the watch or to bark at the moon.
    Dan Rather
    fodder for the mill
    Mark_Davis
    from the bottom on down
    Bill_Kidd
    get the kinks rolling
    George Harper
    Get in the boat or swim or get out.
    Grace McIntyre
    Go ahead. Spew it off your chest.
    Jeff Feath
    Have a nice day job.
    The Russler
    Haven’t we beat that with a dead stick?
    Todd Bruce
    He came out of it smelling like a bandit.
    Gene_McLemore
    He can cry on a dime.
    Kim
    He clams up tighter than a drum.
    Alex, in “Walker, Texas Ranger”
    He kind of liked Alison, but Heather didn’t really flip his whistle.
    Celia_Steele
    He knew how to butter his nest.
    anonymous
    He reads like a fish.
    a New Yorker who claims that people there use a lot of different verbs in “He/she ______s like a fish.”
    He took to it like a fish out of water.
    Michael Ellis
    He wanted to get out from under his father’s coat strings.
    Jeff_Orr
    He’s a pretty sharp cookie.
    David_Wilmot
    He’s been burning the midnight oil at both ends.
    someone from England
    He’s cooking his goose deeper and deeper.
    Kathy Scott
    He’s not the sharpest marble in the drawer.
    Vinny Pazienza
    He’s one brick short of the whole nine yards.
    The Russler
    He’s really low dog on the totem pole.
    John_Galvin
    He’s the meanest man on the face of the universe.
    someone at EDS
    . . . her last day as an eagle . . . flying off to greener pastures . . .
    Steve P.
    Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel — a mecca for tourists.
    someone from England
    Hold the Farm!
    The Russler
    How would I feel if I were sitting in your shoes?
    Stan_Womack
    I ate enough to float a battleship!
    Tom VK’s mother’s coworker
    I can read him like an open can of worms.
    unnamed baseball player
    I can see the light at the end of the rainbow.
    Walt
    I could beat him with my eyes tied behind my back.
    Kev_Newton
    I could hear the handwriting on the wall.
    overheard by Eric Goberman
    I could see you itching at the bit.
    The Russler
    I didn’t have two minutes to rub together.
    Scott_Zotigh
    I don’t think they want to bite off that bullet.
    Steve_Boress
    I don’t think we should jump at straws here.
    Rush Limbaugh
    I don’t want that monkey around my neck.
    John_Nutting’s ex-girlfriend
    I dozed in and off.
    Jeff Feath
    I feel like a bridegroom waiting at the altar for a blind date.
    John
    I feel the comparison paints Chicago in a bad light.
    Theresa_Blackwell
    I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.
    Jeannette Scott
    I guess the foot’s on the other hand now!
    Capt. Striker
    I have been torn betwixt and between the devil and the deep blue sea.
    Inga
    I knew enough to realize that the alligators were in the swamp and that it was time to circle the wagons.
    Rush Limbaugh
    I left the door wide open, and you didn’t take the bait.
    Kyle Messerschmitt
    I looked to see what I could hear.
    Atlanta bar employee
    I make it my goal to shake every hand that walks in the door.
    Jacob Hawk
    I should move to the other side of the building, so I can see the sunset come up every morning.
    Kyle Malone
    I think we got on like a house gathering no moss.
    Shaun_Fiedler
    I thought it might be a good idea for you to check base with him.
    Hubert_Jones
    I turned a blind eye to all that bad stuff I was hearing.
    overheard by Peter Cox
    I want to be sure we don’t build ourselves a bag of worms.
    anonymous
    I want to see you go to town like a house of fire.
    Jeannette Scott
    I wanted to come out of the chute on the right foot.
    John Mabry
    I was so excited my heart about fell out of my stomach!
    “American Idol” contestant
    I was the mother hen to all these little ducks.
    Sandy on “Survivor”
    I wasn’t living under my parents’ house anymore.
    Misty Lou
    I wish they’d hurry up and get their act in gear.
    Jeff_Giesen
    I will miss seeing him around the shoehorn.
    council member in Lexington, Kentucky
    I’d walk a mile in a camel’s shoes to pass through the eye of a needle.
    Gary Swing
    I’ll bet she has her clothes made by Orville, the tent maker.
    John_Nutting’s ex-girlfriend
    I’m bone empty.
    Jeff Feath
    I’m getting up on my feedbox here.
    Rob_Tudor
    I’m going to go ahead and mow and get it out of the over with.
    The Russler
    I’m just talking out loud.
    Lori Miller
    I’m no Monday morning shortstop.
    radio advertiser
    I’m not the brightest bulb in the drawer, but you are.
    Attorney Doug Monsour to Dr. Edwin Tucker in a deposition.
    I’m not trying to poke holes at anybody.
    Jerry_L._Miller
    I’m so busy, I don’t know whether I’m coming or not.
    a top level business exec
    I’m sweating like a stuck pig.
    Sherri Barber
    I’m tired of being a pawn in your lousy game of checkers!
    Vinnie Faducci
    I’ve been up and down like a light switch.
    Shaun_Fiedler
    I’ve been up and down so many times that I feel as if I’m in a revolving door.
    Cher
    I’ve got an ace up my nose.
    Ken Zotigh
    If he doesn’t carry Florida, Slim will have left town.
    Dan Rather
    . . . if the child was shoplifting, that’s one thing, but if her parents were teaching her to steal, that’s a whole new ballpark. . . .
    anonymous, quoted by Debra Bentley
    If they do that, they might as well take the open door policy and throw it right out the window!
    Stan_Womack
    If worse comes to shove . . . .
    The Russler
    If you don’t wear your seat belt, you’re just a missile waiting to happen.
    Christine Wick
    If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.
    British foreign minister Ernet Bevin
    Ignorance is golden.
    Gary Swing
    In about six months I’ll be knocking on your shoulder.
    Reggie_Walker
    Is that going to throw a wrinkle?
    David Beck
    Is this a whole nother bucket of worms?
    Keith_from_TGI
    Isn’t it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?
    anonymous, quoted by Sherri Barber
    It ain’t a pretty sight for the ears.
    anonymous
    It dawned across my head.
    anonymous
    It isn’t rocket surgery!
    Michael Kirk
    It kind of defeats the whole point.
    someone in a business meeting
    It looks like the cows have come home to roost.
    Frank Drebbin
    It sent goosebumps up my spine.
    Jim_Kuykendall
    It sounds good on paper.
    The Russler
    It was time to get my act in gear.
    Mark_Rathwell
    It will be music to your wallet.
    advertiser
    It will have a special time on our plate.
    Robert K. Oglesby
    It’ll be a cold day in January when that happens!
    John_Nutting’s ex-girlfriend
    It’s a big nut to swallow.
    Mike_Neff
    It’s a Hallmark moment!
    Ann Jewell
    It’s as plain as the egg on your face.
    The Russler
    It’s as American as killing two birds with one apple pie.
    Gary Swing
    It’s gonna snowball through the whole fireworks.
    Michael_Willey
    It’s hard to catch lightning in a bottle twice.
    Norah O’Donnell on The Chris Matthews Show
    It’s like a wizard in sheep’s clothing.
    T.A._Miller
    It’s like ice cold electricity passing through your body.
    a novelist
    It’s like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted.
    Jayne Armstrong
    It’s like pulling hen’s teeth.
    anonymous
    It’s like pushing a rock upstream.
    overheard by Steve Stein
    It’s so far removed, it goes right over our heads.
    Robert K. Oglesby
    It’s water under the dam.
    overheard by Steve Stein
    Just then, the fickle finger of fate reared its ugly head.
    Selby Anderson
    just to throw some evidence on the fire
    business meaning attendee
    Keep a stiff upper chin.
    James MacDonald
    Keep your nose up!
    Manuel
    kicking off the hockey season
    sportscaster
    kill two birds with one egg
    Michelle_Perry
    Let’s clear up a loose end.
    Rush Limbaugh
    Let’s make sure we’re all talking off the same sheet of music.
    Tom_Sweeterman
    Let’s not put all of our cookies in a basket.
    Doug_MacDougal
    Let’s split the baby with the bathwater.
    anonymous
    Life is a box of cherries.
    overheard by Steve Stein
    life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice for all
    Johnny Cochran
    like stealing cake from a baby
    overheard by Dan Butler
    Listen! You smell something?
    Ray Stantz
    living from hand to mouth like the birds of the air
    Sir Boyle Roche
    long road to hoe
    anonymous
    Loose lips sink like a rock.
    Gary Swing
    Make like a tree and head out.
    Jesse
    Moss never grows on a fish out of water.
    Jayne Armstrong
    My mind is an open slate.
    The Russler
    Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
    Farber
    99 times out of ten, that’s what you’ll get.
    Kent_Martin
    No one else can make me feel the colors that you bring.
    Minnie Ripperton
    No use beating him over the head with a dead horse.
    Durward_Cline
    Now I’m going to tell you something that’ll really throw a kink in the wrench.
    Parker_Allen
    Now, Senator McCain suggests that somehow, you know, I’m green behind the ears.
    Barack Obama, October 7, 2008
    Now that the ball is in our court, let’s go for the touchdown.
    a lieutenant governor-elect of New Mexico, I forget which
    not until frozen pigs fly in hell
    anonymous
    not without a grain of sugar
    anonymous
    nothing out of the unusual
    Kelly_Gryting
    Nuke The Unborn Gay Whales
    bumper sticker
    Off the cuff of my head.
    overheard by Steve Stein
    one hundred degrees better
    anonymous
    Oh yeah, it’s like watching wallpaper dry.
    someone at Adrian Donahue’s workplace
    Oh my heavens to Betsy.
    Mark Davis
    Our methodology isn’t cast in stone.
    Sam_Jellad
    Our old car bought the dirt.
    The Russler
    Our organization really frowns down on that.
    Brian_Lawrence
    Pensions these days aren’t worth the money they’re written on.
    Shaun_Fiedler
    People will blow smoke and mirrors at you.
    acquaintance of Steve Barber
    Players’ names should be entered in numeric order.
    a league’s instructions to coaches
    Put that in your hat and smoke it.
    Jesse
    raining like a sieve
    Jesse
    right between the nose
    Paul_Foley
    right there on the tip of my brain
    David R. Scott
    ripple down
    Compton and Jansen
    She flew off the deep end.
    anonymous
    She has bigger dogs to fry.
    Ken Zotigh
    She may want to tackle that battle.
    Craig_Bilodeau
    She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.
    my cousin Kim
    Silence is bliss.
    Terry_Castellanos
    smoking like a sieve
    Glen_Ayers
    Someone’s going to hang from the yardstick for this.
    radio advertiser
    Sometimes I feel like I’m swimming uphill against the grain.
    Steve Barber
    Sometimes they bite the farm.
    Ken Zotigh
    Sometimes you have to bite the hand that you’re dealt.
    The Russler
    Spare the rod; spoil the broth.
    The Russler
    Start at the 40,000-foot level, then drill down.
    various IT managers
    step up to the plate and pick up the gauntlet
    Dave Musgrave
    stirred the sea into a bowl of boiling cauldron
    Robert Taylor
    surfing the Infobahn [information superhighway]
    Stan Kelly-Bootle
    tackle that hurdle
    Al_Poulin
    Take the ball by the horns and run with it.
    Earl
    That doesn’t mean it’s written in gold.
    Kathy Scott
    That fish won’t hunt.
    Chad Funk
    That may sound great on paper.
    Sean Hannity
    That put a monkey in the wrench.
    Debra Bentley (who did it on purpose before knowing about this book)
    That really hacks me to a crisp.
    Jeannette Scott
    That was a dialog we started down.
    Andrew_P._Smith
    That will round out the triangle.
    unnamed novelist
    That will open up a whole new can of issues.
    Frank Velez
    That’s a huge weight lifted off my head.
    Shaun_Fiedler
    That’s grabbing the bull by the horns of a dilemma.
    Gary Nijman
    That’s the one that really swayed me over.
    KSCS deejay
    That’s using your head for something besides a footstool.
    Jeannette Scott
    The ball stops in Dayton.
    Steve_DeHaven
    The beer flowed like wine.
    someone on TV
    The bottom line boils down to . . .
    Farrell_Wilson
    the bottom rung of the ladder
    Robert K. Oglesby
    The deputy was willing to cut him a break.
    Sgt._Sam_Pollock
    The early bird gathers no moss.
    Darin_Scheff
    The folks in St. Louis burnt the midnight candle to resolve the issues.
    someone in a memo
    The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation. Tonight’s speaker is one who has taken hold of the baton.
    Robert Taylor
    The House Of Seven Ushers
    Kathy Scott
    The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.
    Walter_Morgan
    The Maxeys’ house deal fell through, so they’re back to Ground Zero.
    Kathy Scott
    The rain is coming down like gangbusters!
    David Beck
    The rain was coming down in droves!
    someone who prefers it to rain cats and dogs, not cattle
    The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.
    unnamed politician
    The squeaky wheel wins.
    Rob_Tudor
    There are things that will really sink home with you.
    Rob_Tudor
    There wasn’t a dry tear in the place.
    someone on a “reality” show
    There’s a silver lining in all that red ink.
    NBC5 news anchor Mike Snyder
    There’s light at the end of this rainbow.
    Glenn Zimmerman, WNBC-TV News
    These two guys are cut out of the same mold.
    anonymous
    They are crumbling at the seams.
    one of the guys on “Hell’s Kitchen”
    They counted the votes until the cows had literally gone to sleep.
    Dan Rather
    They cut into a water main, and it was gushing like a mountain.
    Jeannette Scott
    They don’t know yet whether that played a factor in the accident.
    newscaster
    They gave him a raw shake.
    John_Galvin
    They need to wake up and smell the music.
    John_Galvin
    They paired off, one by one.
    John Scott
    They try to balance a fine line.
    John_Casey
    They’ll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.
    anonymous
    They’re a legend before their time.
    radio advertiser
    They’re in the trenches; they’re on the horse and they’re riding it.
    Terry Johnson
    Things are different when you have fifteen people on your plate.
    Sam Mihdawi
    This is a race where you can turn a corner, and then there’ll be another team right there breathing down your throat.
    Wil on “The Amazing Race”
    This is just a nightmare waiting to happen.
    Kathy Scott
    This isn’t set in stone.
    lots of people, confusing setting in concrete with carving in stone
    This snowball is coming down the mountain with a full head of steam.
    Dale_Dubois
    Three people could halve that.
    Kathy Scott
    Throw the spaghetti onto the ceiling to see what sticks.
    a Law & Order character
    to get the buy-off of the business partner
    a techie wanting buy-in and sign-off simultaneously
    to the max degree
    Rush Limbaugh
    too many oars in the fire
    anonymous
    too many skeletons in her background
    Kristin Brown
    up a tree without a paddle
    a Walt Disney character, I forget which
    We all act as one heartbeat.
    Yugo foreign minister Nebojsa
    We are tipping the iceberg.
    acquaintance of Steve Barber
    We can still hang our heads high.
    member of U.S. men’s 4×100 Olympic team
    We certainly don’t want to rock the apple cart.
    Steve Stein’s boss
    We drove a stake in the stand.
    someone in my office
    We had some hiccups in the road.
    someone in Jon Kindschy’s office
    We just keep getting the tail end of the stick.
    Lancaster,_Texas Mayor_Margie_Waldrop
    We need to get a vaccuum cleaner and hose him down.
    David Beck
    We need to have photographic ears.
    Ken_Blanchard
    We need to look at it before the other eyes set foot on it.
    Mike_Wajda
    We need to sit down and walk through some things.
    Ken Zotigh
    We raised it to new depths.
    anonymous Toastmaster
    We should continue to ride the horse that brings in the gravy.
    Jesse H. Borcher
    We want to brand the Renascence name to the eyeballs in the chairs.
    a salesman
    We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.
    anonymous
    We’ll have to get our hands wet.
    colleague of Steve Stein
    We’ll rewind the calendar.
    anonymous deejay
    We’re cooking on all four cylinders.
    Robert K. Oglesby
    We’re going to get locked into a corner.
    Tom_Hogan
    We’re still getting our feet wet on getting rolling here.
    Jim_Ballestro
    What a dirty trap!
    Jonathan_Polk
    What goes around, stays in Vegas.
    The Russler
    When life throws you curve balls, make lemonade.
    Earle Dukes Roberts III
    when we cross that path
    anonymous
    when you boil it down to its nuts and bolts
    Ken Zotigh
    When you put your best foot forward, it rubs off on someone.
    Theresa H’s mother
    While we are ingesting the author’s valuable insights, we may also be swallowing his blind spots.
    Robert K. Oglesby
    . . . whilst I polish these puppies up . . .
    Walter Becker of Steely Dan
    Why don’t you wear that turtle-hair sweater or that herring-tooth jacket?
    Schell Browning
    . . . who were going to fight you hook, line, and sinker.
    Rush Limbaugh
    windy as a hornet
    Jesse
    without fear of hesitation
    John Popper
    You are wise behind your ears.
    The Russler
    You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!
    Jiminy Cricket
    You can dish it out, but you can’t take it with you.
    The Russler
    You can lead a gift horse to water but you can’t look him in the mouth.
    Gary Nijman
    You can take that to the bank and smoke it.
    Stephen J. Cannell
    You could have blown me over with a feather.
    a friend of the Russler’s
    You could take that guy with a grain a salt.
    Cynthia_Zotigh
    You have to dance to a different drum.
    Laura Schlessinger
    You hit the nail on the dot.
    Cynthia_Vega
    You must have ears like an eagle.
    Sam Gerard in “The Fugitive”
    You need more sugar to get your brain circulating.
    Dave Beck
    You were at your wit’s nerve.
    Mike Shearer
    You’re fighting upstream.
    John Heft
    You’re not pointing blame?
    Mike Shearer
    Your car plays a link in your normal daily routine.
    radio advertiser

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • Dumb Things People DO
    Crime Does Not Pay

    ——————————————————————————–
    Caveat Lector: A few of these may be the ubiquitous “urban legends,” but most have come my way via legitimate news sources.
    ——————————————————————————–

    A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued . . . and won. In delivering the ruling, the judge, agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.” After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
    A Circle-K convenience store was patronized by man requesting change for a twenty dollar bill. As soon as the register drawer was opened, the man pulled a gun and demanded it contents. He fled with all fifteen dollars of it, but left his original twenty lying on the counter.
    A cocaine buyer in South Carolina took his purchase to the local police station, claimed it was substandard, and demanded the arrest of his supplier.
    A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
    A drug user on probation tried to fool the officer during a urine test with a homemade apparatus filled with a friend’s urine. The sleight of hand didn’t work, but the suspicious officer had the friend’s urine tested along with that of the probationer. Yep, it tested positive too!
    A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.” The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
    A grocery store cashier in Indiana was robbed by man who made his getaway and left his billfold on the counter.
    A man in Arkansas held up the desk clerk in a motel after registering for a room. Tracking him down was easy; police checked the name and address on the registration card.
    A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.
    A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours, until police showed up and grabbed him.
    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture . . . of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
    A new housing development in Virginia was visited by two men determined to steal a refrigerator. They caused considerable damage to the house while removing the refrigerator and were unable to leave the scene, because the added weight on their pickup caused it to get bogged down in the mud. They returned the refrigerator but were still unable to leave the scene, because they had locked the keys in the vehicle!
    A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
    A robber held up a Li’l Cricket store in Spartanburg, S.C., and the clerk hit the silent alarm. A deputy’s car pulled up outside, unnoticed by the holdup man. The clerk asked permission to go out and tell the “customer” that the store was closed. The robber agreed, allowing the clerk to get to safety and the deputy to make the arrest.
    A security camera in a bank was stolen by a man who broke in after hours, sending perfect footage of him and his actions to the remote video recorder.
    A Texas robber was informed that he could avoid a prison sentence by paying $9,600 in damages. His subsequent stay in prison was on account of the check he forged to pay the debt!
    A winning lottery ticket in Missouri would have been worth $100,000, except that it was one of hundreds stolen by Chastity Cromer from the convenience store where she worked. She might have gotten away with it, except that she offered a $2,000 bribe to a coworker to keep her mouth shut–and then didn’t pay up!
    A woman was arrested for trying to open a bank account. What’s wrong with that? Her opening deposit was in cash. What’s wrong with that? It was one single bill. What’s wrong with that? It was a million-dollar bill!
    A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
    According to the Reuters news service, a 17-year-old ran into a Ft. Worth, Texas, tanning salon, making the owner suspicious. He claimed that he was not being chased, but after assigning him a tanning bed, the owner called police. They had been pursuing a bank robbery suspect in the neighborhood. Yep, that was him!
    Accused of selling drugs, Howard Jones’s attorney sought to lower his client’s bail from $150,000, insisting that Jones would not think about fleeing. At that very instant, Jones sprinted out of the front door of the courtroom. He was caught fifty minutes later and his bail was raised to $500,000.
    After breaking into the basement window of a bank, a would-be thief realized that there was no access to the money from there. Unable to exit the window and bleeding severely from glass cuts received upon entering, he called 911.
    After leaving his gun at a holdup scene, a robber returned to retrieve it. Of course it would have been stupid to go back and be recognised. So he clever disguised himself as his twin brother!
    After robbing a bank, Darryl Ellis of Gulfport, Mississippi was arrested for urinating in public. Police found the holdup note when they searched him.
    After robbing three banks in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, a man took his clothes to a Chattanooga dry cleaners . . . with the holdup note still in his shirt pocket.
    Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic found eighteen packages of marijuana packed in the engine compartment of the car. The woman, who had taken her car in for an oil change, said that she did not realize he would have to lift the hood to get the job done.
    An absent-minded would-be robber started to hold up a drug store before remembering to pull the specially-prepared trash bag over his face to disguise himself. No, wait–it wasn’t specially prepared; he forgot to cut the eyeholes!
    An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
    An Iraqi terrorist named Khay Rahnajet put insufficient postage on a letter bomb. When it came back marked “Return to Sender,” he opened it!
    Arkansas was the home of a company named “Dewey, Cheatham and Howe.” Well, as you can guess, it wasn’t a real company, it was a ficitious name fronting a fraudulent plan set up by 54-year-old Patrick Michael Penker, who apparently saw one too many episodes of the Three Stooges. And apparently many people saw one too few episodes, because his scheme made a million dollars before bank officer John Reed of the American State Bank in Lubbock, Texas got suspicious. The Lubbock Avalanche-Journal broke the story.
    At a customs desk in England, an official struck up a conversation with a German traveller on the subject of golf, since one of the German’s carry-ons was a golf bag. The official noticed a severe lack of knowledge of the sport on the part of the traveller, prompting a request for a demonstration of his golf swing. After watching him swing backward, the official searched the bag . . . and discovered a large store of illegal drugs.
    Baltimore’s newspaper, The Sun, reported that Edwin V. Gaynor applied to become a police officer and truthfully reported on the application form that he had committed a carjacking and two robberies. He even had an outstanding warrant.
    Barry Colbert was cited for driving while intoxicated and for driving with a suspended license. He actually got behind the wheel after a collision but before the police got to the car. The real driver was cited for driving without a license, driving without headlights and running a stop sign. The reason he didn’t have a license: seven-year-olds aren’t allowed to have them! Did I mention that Colbert was also cited for allowing his youngster to operate a motor vehicle?
    Belgian news agency Belga reported that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn’t have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at that same time.
    Bragging to police about how good his marijuana is can get a guy arrested for possession. Yep, it really happened.
    Charged with drug-possession, Christopher Johns claimed that he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer did not need a warrant because a bulge in Johns’ jacket could have been a gun. “Nonsense,” said Christopher who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day. When he handed the judge the jacket, a bag of cocaine fell out. The judge required a five-minute recess so that he could gain his composure.
    Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.
    Concertgoer Korey Henderson was wearing an orange jumpsuit. That tends to capture the attention. Especially of law enforcement. Especially when the words “Polk County Jail” are stenciled on the back. A speedy investigation revealed that the suit had been stolen when Henderson was released from that institution. Because his attendance at the concert violated the terms of his probation, he earned the right to continue wearing the jumpsuit . . . in Polk County Jail.
    Daly City, California was the site of an accident which introduced police to Alan Martin. They asked for his driver’s license, which they noticed was invalid. As a result, he was not allowed to drive away even though his car was operational. He threw a temper tantrum and lay down in the road. To protect him, police put up a barricade, but it was crashed through by another criminal. Alan was run over, and Criminal #2 was charged with attempted murder.
    David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.
    Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, “I should of blown your #@%* head off.” The defendant paused, then quickly added, “if I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.
    Deputies responding to a 911 call discovered that Jeffrey Barber had not really shot himself as it appeared. He was playing a joke on his wife. The blood was fake, but the gun was not. It turns out he was a convicted felon and therefore unable to legally possess a gun, so the joke got him fifteen-to-life!
    “Dope” is a good word to use when referring to the drug dealer in Anchorage, for selling cocaine to an undercover policeman, because a year later he recognized the cop but sold him some crack anyway!
    Dropping one’s pants is an activity for which there is a proper time and place. It is not a good idea to do it while being chased by police. Aaron Reynolds was tripped when his pants fell down around his ankles during a pursuit on foot. A similar thing happened to Carl Franklin, but his story is a little hotter, in that he had been running with a lit cigarette in his pocket. Crash and burn!
    Elijah The Prophet fired his lawyer, an agent of Satan, because he didn’t like his (the lawyer’s) approach to his (the prophet’s) defense in a murder trial. Actually, Christopher Turgeon fired Royce Ferguson. Turgeon thinks he’s Elijah. Ferguson thinks Turgeon is crazy. That was the defense. By the way, the result was a mistrial because of a hung jury.
    56-year-old Leighton Deming and 42-year-old Thomas Marciano tried to sell a headdress, which they claimed had been worn by Geronimo, over the internet. Their ad included the wording “only serious candidates must respond because it is illegal to sell eagle feathers in the United States.” Apparently the FBI was a serious candidate. . . .
    Guards in Canadian prisons come around during the night to ensure that all inmates are where they belong. A sixty-five-year-old convicted murderer said that disturbed his sleep. Not only that, he claimed it constituted inhumane treatment. In fact, he sued the Canadian government for $3,100,000.
    “Guns For Hire,” an Arizona company that helps moviemakers with the staging of gunfights, received a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted her husband rubbed out.
    Having been accused of capital murder and fearing he would be convicted and sent to death row, a man resorted to bribing one of the jurors. During the voir dire proceedings, one of the panel members came off as especially naive and gullible, so it was he that the defendant approached. He offered him a large amount of money to insist on a manslaughter conviction. Sure enough, the man was convicted of manslaughter rather than murder. During the secret payoff meeting, he asked the crooked juror if it was difficult convincing the others to vote for the manslaughter conviction. The answer was, “Yep! At first everyone else was voting for acquittal!”
    Having watched too many movies, and thinking that police would need three minutes to trace a call, fugitive Michael LaRock placed a quick call from Georgia to police back home in New York to rub it in. He was soon apprehended, thanks to Caller ID!
    Heather Quigley showed up at the Livingston County jail in Michigan with a document ordering the release of her husband. He did get released (when the time was right), but Heather is now being held. It seems she didn’t do a very professional job of forging the release document and so was charged with attempting to effect an escape.
    Holiday Inn in Anchorage, Alaska, was hosting a law enforcement training conference. That fact was boldly stated on the marquee outside and the large banners inside. That didn’t keep Floyd Brown from deciding to hold up the desk clerk. Thirty officers were assisted in apprehending the robber.
    In El Paso, The Times reported the arrest of 47-year-old Dale Smith, who became violent in a bar, even brandishing a pistol. The hand holding the gun was attached to his, well, prosthetic arm. It–the arm–fell off.
    In Kentucky, two men tried to remove the front of an ATM using a chain hooked to their pickup’s bumper. Instead of the machine, it was the bumper that gave. The men escaped, leaving the machine, the chain, the bumper . . . and their license plate!
    In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. “There are too many business grads out there,” he said. “If I had chosen another field, then this may not have happened.”
    In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
    In Petersborough, Ontario, Gerald Dixon, 26, was sentenced to six years in prison for robbing a Bank of Montreal branch. He was arrested a few hours after the robbery as he attempted to deposit his loot into his account at the same bank, according to the 02/09/1996 edition of the Toronto Star.
    In Summerton, North Carolina, a would-be robber in a car stopped an 80-year-old pedestrian, threatened him with a knife, and asked for money. The victim said his money was at home, so the perpetrator drove him to his house and waited outside, impatiently honking his horn, while the victim called the police.
    In Vienna, Austria, a man exposed himself to a woman and her child. Then, fearing arrest, he zipped up his fly . . . too fast! Police found him doubled over in pain.
    It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag,” on a deposit slip. While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it, and surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK,” and left the Wells Fargo Bank. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later. He was waiting in line back at the Bank of America!
    Jose Santiago of Gurnee, Illinos, wanted to impersonate a police officer, so he bought a Crown Vic and installed lights, but he failed to include important details like a uniform and a badge. Perhaps his biggest mistake, however, was in his choice for his first “collar.” He stopped and harrassed Jeremy Gaughan, an off-duty policeman!
    Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson’s motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.
    Kristopher Huie was arrested in Johnson County, Texas on felony theft charges. The object of the theft? A fully loaded freight train! The method of detection? He radioed the dispatcher asking how to release the brake! Obviously, he hadn’t yet left the station.
    Linda Harris, the director of a program to reduce drunk driving in New Mexico, came to the group’s picnic drunk. And yes, she drove herself there. Police were able to raise awareness at that event by administering the appropriate tests and making the arrest in front of the attendees.
    Making sure all the details are factual is a good idea, but it got Steven Hebron caught. He dropped his billfold while robbing a convenience store and stepped back in just as the clerk was giving the police the particulars over the phone. The clerk described him as “about five feet ten” and “about 38 years old.” Hebron set the record straight: he’s 6’2″ and 34 years old. The delay caused by this attention to detail gave police enough time to get there and make the arrest.
    Manchester Evening News told of a man entering a branch of the Royal Bank of Scotland wearing a heavy coat and hat. This drew immediate suspicion since it was hot weather. After holding up the bank, he made his getaway . . . on a bicycle! When the red dye packet in the money exploded, it startled him so much he dropped his loot. He stopped to pick it up, but then crashed into a curb and lost it again. A security camera recorded the entire fiasco, including him losing his hat and showing his face.
    Mark Fisher’s girlfriend didn’t buy the kind of vehicle he wanted her to, so he set fire to her new car while it was parked in a multilevel parking garage. He made his getaway by leaping over a wall . . . falling two stories . . . and landing in the hospital.
    Nenana Ice Classic is a big annual event in Alaska. A clock is attached to a stand which is set up on the frozen Tanana River in the town on Nenana. Then people bet on the exact minute the ice will melt enough to dislodge the stand, break the line, and stop the clock. Okay, it’s legal, so these people aren’t necessarily criminals, but the get-something-for-nothing mentality (or whatever) led 96 people in 1999 to bet that the breakup would take place on April 31st. (Check a calendar if you don’t know why that’s a dumb thing to do.) In 2000, there were 144 people who chose that day.
    New Jersey Trooper Glenn Lubertazzi stopped a car for speeding and began asking the three passengers routine questions. When of the them got a cigarette from the glove compartment, the officer noticed that the pack contained a marijuana joint. A search of the car turned up $32,000 of drug money and several pounds of marijuana.
    Paul Harvey told about a “farmer” in Whittier, California, who was so proud of his “crop” that he had his picture taken with it. The photo developer sent a copy to the police, who proceeded with a very large marijuana bust.
    Police Chief Bruce Tognetti of Colma, California, commented that “It’s almost like watching The Three Stooges. But instead, there’s just two of them.” He was referring to John Mack and Charles Mitchell trying to break into their own car in which they had locked the keys when they made their rounds robbing nearby stores. The San Mateo County Times reported that the police were alerted by mall security.
    Police detectives in L.A. had each suspect in a lineup repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot!” When they came to the actual perpetrator, he objected, “That’s not what I said!”
    Police in Amherst, Idaho interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and a detective pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.
    Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up.
    Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two $16 bills.
    Portsmouth, RI Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January. He fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.
    R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
    Reuters News Service reported that a 17-year-old held up a Taco Bell in Ft. Worth and then ordered a chalupa. The police were there before his order was, and waving a toy gun at the officers bought him a shot in the arm and in the leg.
    Roanoke Rapids Daily Herald told of a sixty-year-old man, Emmit Scott, who called the sheriff to report that a man assaulted him while trying to steal his marujuana plants. Mr. Scott didn’t realize it was illegal to grow pot in one’s garden, so he was surprised that he was also arrested.
    Ronald Raymond stole a car and then ran out of gas while being chased by police. Before getting out of the car and surrending, he was heard to say, “Hold on a minute. Let me finish my beer.”
    San Francisco police arrested career criminal Scot Beane, who had a bad habit of robbing banks while on drugs. It seems he dropped a Western Union receipt at the scene of one robbery and a copy of his resume at the next.
    Security cameras took pictures of William Earl Dykes in a convenience store stealing some of the necessities of life, such as booze and cigarettes. He claimed that the pictures were of his evil twin. He was convicted of watching too many movies. (Just kidding!)
    Someone badly in need of cash wanted to know where to buy some cocaine so he could resell it at a profit. Apparently he had received good advice in the past: When you need help, ask a policeman. So he did. And the policeman did his job, which did not include giving the would-be pusher the requested information.
    Stupid Criminal Awards may be awaiting Michael Anthone Jacobs who, in the course of committing several robberies in Mesa, Arizona, dropped and broke his gun, stopped to use his inhaler, locked his keys in the car, and drove at night without headlights. That last problem was the break the police needed.
    The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
    The Daily Camera gave an account of an amateur counterfeiter, Douglas Ryan Oeters. He attempted to pay the Boulder, Colorado Humane Society a pet adoption fee using $20 bills. Humane Society employee Briana Rooney said, “We were like, ‘yeah, right’,” because the phony bills were photocopies on yellow paper. Oeters was stalled while the police were notified, and he claimed that the bills had come from his bank. His billfold contained two genuine $20 bills and 42 photocopies of them.
    The Nashville Tennessean reported an incident in which two armed robbers held up a pizza deliveryman. When one of the holdup men hit the deliveryman on the head with his gun, the deliveryman was not injured; however, the gun went off, killing the other holdup man.
    The Tallahassee Democrat told the story of 20-year-old Alonzo Lamar McMillian, who parked in a handicapped space. Officer Greg Tucker noticed it only because the car stereo was being played too loud. McMillian refused to move, claiming he would “only be there a minute.” Officer Tucker ran a license check, discovering that the vehicle had been stolen. In addition to the charges of parking in a handicapped space and grand theft auto, McMillian earned himself charges of drug possession and battery on a law enforcement officer. Tucker characterized McMilliam with the statement that “he’s not exactly a criminal mastermind.”
    The television news one night told the story of a would-be holdup man who tried to disguise himself with a bag over his head. A clear plastic bag!
    The Times Of London reported the case of Roland Tough, a 22-year-old store robber who dropped off film for developing at a Tesco supermarket–the same Tesco he helped rob two weeks earlier. Store employees recognised the men in one of the photos, police met him when he came to pick up his prints, and the magistrate gave him six years.
    There was $200 in the cash register of an adult bookstore in Anchorage, Alaska, but the robber decided to run off carrying the entire register. He left a trail of register tape for the police to follow to his home.
    Three men in Spotsylvania County, Virginia set out to rob a restaurant. While one went inside to do the dirty work, the others waited outside–in a parking space reserved for the handicapped. When they were rude to the employee who asked them to move it, she reported it to the police, who arrested all three.
    Union City Messenger told about Shannon Paige Morphis, who was already in trouble for writing bad checks. Her solution was to rob a bank to get the money to pay her debt. The leftover money was used to catch up on the payments for her trailer, which is where the investigators caught up with her.
    University of Manitoba assitant professor Rod Yellon tried to teach the Canadian justice system a thing or two. Having run a stop sign, he insisted that the word “stop” is vague and that the signs lack “standards and frequencies of calibration, performance and testing.” He missed his court appearance when his mind got sucked into a black hole. Really! Just ask him!
    Wanting a sure way to make himself stop drinking, a man in Stockhom, Sweden offered to serve a friend’s jail sentence for driving while intoxicated. He borrowed the friend’s ID and showed up to be incarcerated. A couple of weeks later the false identity was discovered, and the result was both men serving time: the original convict for the original crime and the would-be substitute for perjury and impersonation.
    What do you do when your getaway driver panics and leaves you behind? Bank robber Eric Davis thought he would just carjack the next available vehicle. Unfortunately (for him, fortunately for the good guys), that next vehicle was an unmarked police car populated by two plainclothesmen. This added two counts of kidnapping to the charges against him!
    When Paul Benier went in to rob a bank in Swansea, Massachusetts, he left a very important piece of equipment locked up in his car: the car key!
    When 22-year-old Norman Hardy pleaded innocent to selling drugs, he filled out a form requesting a public defender. In the blank requesting “occupation,” Norman wrote “selling drugs.”
    When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
    York County jail in Pennsylvania was holding Robert Haley for robbery, when he received a visit from a friend, David Ruppert. It turns out the police were looking for David, since he was Robert’s accomplice in the robbery!
    Maybe we are as stupid as the criminals sometimes. Let me illustrate: David Hill already had ten DUI convictions, and yet was released four years early from prison. Less than a week later, he drove drunk. To the liquor store. He isn’t getting the message. And apparently, neither is the justice system in Montana.
    Finally, a story of someone counting on a dumb criminal: Having discovered a marijuana patch while investigating a fire in the Tongass National Forest in Alaska, one of the officers left his business card at the site, saying, “I’m hoping they will call me.”

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • A free society is one in which will mean more likely a peaceful partner in a troubled neighborhood.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    A wounded German soldier during World War II wandered into a government hospital seeking aid. He found himself in a lobby facing two doors, one marked “Seriously Wounded” and the other “Slightly Wounded.” He took the second door and found two more doors, entitled “Officers” and “Enlisted.” Again he chose number two and found a third pair of doors. One said, “Nazi Party Members,” and the other said, “Non-Party Members.” So he stepped through the second door and found himself back out on the sidewalk! Later his mother asked him about his experience. His comment was, “The care wasn’t very good, but I have to admit they were very, very organized!”
    Brent Isbell
    Ain’t nothin’ in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.
    Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower
    Al Gore gave a big speech a few weeks ago about how his faith is so important to him. In this attempt to convince the American people that we should consider him for president, he announced that his favorite Bible verse is John 16:3. Of course the speech writer meant John 3:16, but nobody in the Gore camp was familiar enough with scripture to catch the error. Do you know what John 16:3 says? “And they will do this because they have not known the Father nor Me.”
    received in an E-mail (the source of many falsehoods)
    And from Washington comes word that President and Mrs. Lincoln will spend Nixon’s birthday at Key Biscane, Florida, on February 12th.
    unidentified newscaster
    And now, will y’all stand and be recognized?
    Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis to a group of handicapped people in wheelchairs
    And one of the points I want to make is, is that if you actually took the number of Muslim Americans, we’d be one of the largest Muslim countries in the world . . .
    Barack Hussein Obama, President of the U.S., which ranks thirty-eighth
    Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued…Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976.
    Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid
    Calvin Coolidge looks as if he was weaned on a pickle.
    Alice Roosevelt Longworth
    Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corners, Vermont.
    Clarence Darrow
    Dallas salutes a person who can buy a piece of art, but not a person who can create one.
    A. C. Greene
    He didn’t say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech.
    Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President Bush wasn’t following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands
    He doesn’t say I directly told him anything. He says that, you know, the fact that I expressed concern had an impact on him. The mere expression of concern could be, I guess, taken to mean something more than it was meant.
    Hillary Clinton
    I always, always, sometimes, say, government can hand out money . . .
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for my predecessors as well.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    I am speaking of a great man who should have been president and would have been one of the greatest presidents in history–Hubert Horatio Hornblower.
    U.S. President James Earl Carter
    I believe that marriage is the union between a man and a woman. I am not somebody who promotes same-sex marriage. . . .
    You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman.
    U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama, 8/17/2008, to the Saddleback Church;
    U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama, 10/11/2009, to HRC (who are, in their own words, “working for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equal rights”)
    I can’t believe that we are going to let a majority of the people decide what’s best for this state.
    Louisiana state legislator John Travis
    I didn’t accept it. I received it.
    Richard Allen, National Security Advisor to President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.
    I do not like this word “bomb.” It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.
    French Ambassador to New Zealand Jacques leBlanc
    I don’t know what’s wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman.
    Bruce Baum
    I don’t see, Mr. Speaker, why we should put ourselves out of the way to serve posterity. What has posterity ever done for us? . . . By posterity, sir, I do not mean our ancestors, but those who are to come immediately after them.
    Sir Boyle Roche
    I guess I would have voted with the majority if it was a close vote. But I agree with the arguments the minority made.
    Bill Clinton, referring to the resolution of the Persian Gulf War
    I have lied in good faith.
    Bernard Tapie, a French politician who committed perjury
    I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress.
    Ronald Reagan
    I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
    David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
    I intend to open this country up to democracy, and anyone who is against that, I will jail, I will crush.
    Brasilian president João Baptista Figueiredo
    I made no attempt to be inaccurate, but I want to be clear I was not attempting to be precise.
    Josh Steiner, Treasury chief of staff under President Clinton
    I move we recess to go outside and throw up.
    Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing
    I see myself as Michelle Obama . . .
    Michelle Obama
    I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate.
    Vice-President Dan Quayle
    I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.
    Cal-ee-fornia Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
    I think that’s self-evident, but not true.
    U.S. President Bill Clinton
    I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was flying made what I was doing spying.
    Francis Gary Power, U-2 reconnaissance pilot held by the Soviets for spying, in an interview after he was returned to the US
    I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes.
    U.S. President Richard Nixon
    I’d just make a little bit of money, I wouldn’t make a whole lot.
    Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis defending himself against the charge that he would personally profit from a bill he had introduced
    I’m not going to come out with programs that will defeat me, no matter how I stand on that program, because I want to get elected.
    North Carolina gubernatorial candidate R. B. Jordan III
    I’ve always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
    Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries
    I’ve got to run now and relax. The doctor told me to relax. The doctor told me. He was the one. He said, “Relax.”
    U.S. President George H. W. Bush
    If a city council meeting ends without gunfire, it’s a success.
    a resident of Whittier, Alaska
    If Gore invented the internet, then I invented spell check!
    Dan Quayle
    If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin’ rights on that man’s head.
    Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing president George Bush’s policies
    If you have voted after you are dead, there is a good, strong possibility that you did something illegal.
    Kevin Shwedo, South Carolina DMV
    In New York state, the liberals wanted Hillary Clinton to run for senate. So they sported, on their back bumpers, stickers that say, “Run, Hillary, Run!” The conservatives were putting the same stickers on their front bumpers.
    heard on the radio
    In the article “Devote Every Effort To Running Successfully Socialist Research Institutes” (Sci. Sin. Vol XIX, No. 5), “the arch unrepentant capitalist-roader in the Party Teng Hsiao-ping” should read “Teng Hsiao-ping.”
    Journal Of The Chinese Academy Of Sciences
    In the early sixties, we were strong, we were virulent.
    John Connally, Secretary of Treasury under Richard Nixon, in an early 70s speech, as reported in a contemporary “American Scholar”
    It depends on what your definition of “is” is.
    U.S. President William Jefferson Clinton, obstructing justice
    It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position.
    John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job.
    It just makes good sense to put all your eggs in one basket.
    Texas Rep. Joe Salem speaking on an amendment requiring all revenues to go into the state treasury
    It should be thoroughly understood that the Solids Fuels Administration is not trying to convert anthracite consumers to the use of bituminous coal. We are trying to convert anthracite consumers to the use of bituminous coal.
    Secretary Of The Interior Harold Ickes (This was possibly a misprint on the part of the newspaper that reported the statement.)
    It wasn’t always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    It’s hard to be successful if you don’t make something somebody doesn’t want to buy.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    Joe Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6:00a.m. While his coffee pot (made in China) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He put on a dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), designer jeans (made in Singapore), and tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in India), he sat down with his calculator (made in Mexico), to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (made in Taiwan), to the radio (made in India), he got in his car (made in Germany) and continued his search for a good-paying job. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (made in Brazil), poured himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turned on his TV (made in Indonesia), then wondered why he can’t find a good-paying job in America.
    anonymous
    Mr. Chik died from a bronchial complaint that resulted from the eight shots fired by the police into his vehicle. When Mr. Chik was admitted to the hospital, he was alert and gave sensible answers to his questioner. His gunshot wounds may have contributed to his death, but it must be borne in mind that a hospital bed can easily become a hostile environment.
    Hong Kong government official
    [My critics] misunderestimated me.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    My fellow citizens . . . uh . . . my fellow convicts . . .
    New York governor Al Smith, searching for the right word while speaking to Sing Sing inmates
    My job is to do my job.
    Senator Olympia Snowe of Maine
    Oh good. Now he’ll be bi-ignorant.
    Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower when told that Texas Governor Bill Clements had been studying Spanish
    Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases “revenue enhancement.” Not so. No one was fooled.
    Dan Quayle
    [Our enemies] never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
    Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
    Please just don’t look at part of the glass, the part is only less than half full.
    U.S. President George H. W. Bush
    Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.
    Chicago Rotary Club journal, “Gyrator”
    Shaking hands with Bill Clinton is, in and of itself, a full-body sexual experience.
    Judith Krantz
    Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
    MaryAnne Tebedo, Colorado state senator
    Summer 1999: Vice President Al Gore had a brilliant idea for a photo op . . . a canoe trip down the Connecticut River. The problem was that the water level was low, and getting stuck in the mud would not fulfill the purpose he had in mind. So this supposedly environment-friendly politician had the authorities release four billion gallons of water from the dam upstream. The Vermont Department of Natural Resources commented that this was more than they were allowed to do when the fish needed the level raised.
    info gleaned from the Washington Times
    Some of our friends are for it. Some of our friends are against it. And we’re standing with our friends.
    Mike McCurry, President Clinton’s press secretary
    Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
    Colorado state senator MaryAnne Tebedo
    Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
    Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane
    That’s like putting toothpaste back into the tube before it comes out.
    Alaska Representative Don Young commenting on a Senate proposal
    That’s pretty far away.
    U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama, looking through a telescope
    The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history…this century’s history…. We all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.
    Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust
    The police are not here to create disorder. They are here to preserve disorder.
    Chicago’s Mayor Daley
    The president has kept all the promises he intended to keep.
    Clinton aide George Stephanopolis, on “Larry King Live”
    The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It’s only the people who make them unsafe.
    Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
    The trouble is not that you can’t take it with you, but that you can’t even keep it while you are here.
    Will Rogers
    The word is not covert, it’s overt. Covert means you’re out in the open. Overt is what I did. I was under cover.
    Chic Hecht, senator from Nevada
    Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    There are a lot of things we do that are irrelevant, but that’s what the Senate is for.
    Wyoming Senator Alan Simpson
    There are known knowns. These are things that we know we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are some things that we know we don’t know. But there are alos some unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.
    Secretary Of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
    There are still places where people think that the function of the media is to provide information.
    Don Rottenberg
    There’s a lot of uncertainty that’s not clear in my mind.
    Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis
    There’s no connection between their lobbying work and the money they contribute.
    Rick Evans
    There’s no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world’s worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world’s worst weapons.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    They gave me a book of checks. They didn’t ask for any deposits.
    Congressman Joe Early (D-Mass) at a press conference to answer questions about the House Bank scandal.
    This isn’t a football game, so I’m not interested in victory.
    U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama, on precenting Iran from developing nuclear weapons
    To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
    anonymous
    U. N. goodwill may be a bottomless pit, but it’s by no means limitless.
    British prime minister John Major
    Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.
    Kepper Ender, cabinet member
    Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
    John Fitzgerald Kennedy
    We believe we are already within a democratic system. Some factors are still missing, like the expression of the people’s will.
    Argentinan President Roberto Eduardo Viola
    We can outcompete with anybody.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    We cannot afford to let terrorist and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.
    U.S. President George W. Bush
    We have nothing against ideas. We’re against people spreading them.
    General Augusto Pinochet of Chile
    We have people from every planet on the earth in this state.
    California Governor Grey Davis
    Welcome to Cinco de Cuatro.
    U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama to a group of Latinos
    When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
    Calvin Coolidge
    You might say I was there to make sure all the i’s were crossed and the t’s were dotted.
    John Dean, White House legal adviser
    You start with a set of musicians, all of whom are virtuoso, and try to choose some violinists, some oboists, and some woodwinds.
    John Sexton, making a case for affirmative action

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • The FCC was quick to condemn Janet Jackson and Howard Stern, but where were they when Hot 97 aired a racist song making fun of the tsunami that hit Asia?
    If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries or America’s Most Wanted ever get arrested because they look like the criminal they are playing?

    How did singer K-Ci get 2 years probation for indecent exposure and yet Eminem got only one year for assault with a deadly weapon?

    Speaking of Eminem, why is it that BET got pissed when he made fun of Michael Jackson, but kept quiet when he talked about gays and women?

    Did anyone else feel old upon realizing that kids who like Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles nowadays weren’t even born when the shows first came on?

    Why do you pay extra to get something put on your sandwich but don’t get a discount when something is taken off?

    If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?

    Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America’s problems?

    Doesn’t mainstream hiphop nowadays sound like one bad 2pac cover album after the other?

    When people say “PIN number,” do they know they’re saying “Personal Identification Number Number?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we thought to put wheels on luggage?

    What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

    Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals?

    Why do labels on children’s medacine say not to drive or operate heavy machinery?

    Can we all agree that MTV2 should be the main channel and MTV with all its pointless shows, the backup?

    If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?

    If you had x-ray vision and could see through anything, wouldn’t you see through everything and actually see nothing?

    Speaking of Superman, why do people in Metropolis get excited if they really thought they saw a bird or plane?

    If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?

    Why is the name for fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

    Who the hell keeps giving basketball players recording deals?

    If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

    If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

    Why are Christmas lights packaged with the warning “For indoor or outdoor use only”? Where else would you put them?

    Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

    How can bottled water go out of date?

    Why does lemon dishsoap contain real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?

    If the professor on Giligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why couldn’t he fix a hole in a boat?

    Why do people never say “it’s only a game” when they’re winning?

    Why is Goofy sentinent while Pluto isn’t? They’re both dogs!

    Since Bugs Bunny walks around naked, why does he put a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?

    If a truck is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty? Wouldn’t it get better fuel mileage?

    Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy roadrunner for dinner?

    Why are needles for lethal injections sterilized?

    If The Flintstones were B.C., how could they have Christmas or Thanksgiving specials?

    Why is it good to be Daddy’s little girl, but bad to be a Momma’s boy?

    Why do grocery stores have so many checkout line registers but only keep 3 or 4 open?

    What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

    Isn’t the 13th floor still chronologically the 13th even if it’s named the 14th?

    …And wouldn’t naming it the 14th floor just anger the bad luck gods and bring even more unfortunate events?

    Are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

    Why do drive-thru ATMs have braille code on them?

    Wouldn’t you love to see me on The Real World?

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • Have you ever dated a short person…

    The Date

    I’m sitting in this chair in front of a table. I’m waiting in a restaurant. Too fancy and expensive for my taste or budget. I don’t even like the food. Lacks taste. Waiting. I wonder what she will be like when she gets here. Waiting. I wonder if my clothes look alright, I check my shirt for the hundredth and twenty fifth time (I counted). Sweating. Too much sweating. Why did I wear this shirt? Waiting. Waiting is something homo sapiens do when they don’t have anything to do. Confusing and still waiting.

    The couple at the table across from me is arguing. Angry words. We use words because we’re civilized people. We don’t use fists. The man looks across the table at the woman. He yells, she weeps. We’re sophisticated people. We use angry words. Not fists. Woman gets up and leaves. Man finishes his drink and orders another one. 30 Years ago the man probably would’ve paid for the dinner. Now they split the cost of their misery. Progress.

    Still waiting. Maybe she got lost on the way? I can see over at the bar, for the unlucky ones. Best buddies with a bottle. Sad.Lonely. You need friends. Do I have friends? You grow up being told drugs are wrong. College. Job. Family.Responsbility.Happy times. You never ask how the fuck those people know how YOU are going to be happy. Are they happy? Sophisticated, civilized men, don’t ask questions like that. People get uncomfortable.

    She enters. She usually looks radiant. Not tonight. She’s wearing a dress. High heels. Lots of makeup. Women do this, so I’m told to appear more attractive to their mates. Clowns wear makeup and costumes. She makes her way to me. She smiles. I smile. Fake smiles let people know you’re friendly. The fake non-threating smile, is taken, so i’m told, from our primate cousins, primarily is a means of showing submission. Sophisticated, modern man. That’s me. With my monkey smile and my sweat drenched shirt.

    Small talk. Not very interesting. Necessary. Direct honest interaction won’t do. Not acceptable, not socially appropriate. Honesty isn’t sexy. We order our food. I pick something on the menu. She’s gazing at me. What does she want? I can’t ask. We don’t ask questions. That would be awkward. I’ve been told being awkward is bad. Awkward.

    More unimportant, unfocused talking. Food. Doesn’t taste good. Drinks are served and consumed. The night drags on. She asks me what I do. My job? Is that what I do? I tell her. I ask her about her life. She tells me. The alcohol makes the words less important and the silences more bearable. The clock ticks, the evening and our excitement wastes away.

    I’m dropping her off at her place. The night and city is quiet. When it’s quiet I can hear its’ desperation. It’s tangible. She asks me If I want to come up for coffee. This is her asking me If I want to come up and engage in sexual intercourse. This is what humans do. Sex always ends up being a chore. Less fun and more work. People never tell you what they want, who they are. Even when you’re fucking them, they lie to themselves and to you. I want honesty. Not fucking.

    I gaze at her. all I see is the makeup. The high heels. The city is cold and we are standing on the sidewalk alone. I shake my head. Smile. Maybe another time. She looks hurt. I smile politely again, wish her a good night, and move on. I walk down the street and look back at her door. She’s not there. I keep walking. I don’t look back. This is the age of modern men where we are taught to smile when we ought to cry. Maybe we need a little more barbarism in our lives?

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • The word “queue” is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed.
    Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.

    Of all the words in the English language, the word ‘set’ has the most definitions!

    What is called a “French kiss” in the English speaking world is known as an “English kiss” in France.

    “Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

    “Rhythm” is the longest English word without a vowel.

    In 1386, a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child

    A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off!

    Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

    You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath

    There is a city called Rome on every continent.

    It’s against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland!

    Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!

    Horatio Nelson, one of England’s most illustrious admirals was throughout his life, never able to find a cure for his sea-sickness.

    The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present at all important meetings of the University of London

    Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people

    Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe!

    The elephant is the only mammal that can’t jump!

    One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!

    Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different!

    The first known transfusion of blood was performed as early as 1667, when Jean-Baptiste, transfused two pints of blood from a sheep to a young man

    Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!

    Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!

    The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.

    Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
    Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.

    Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

    Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th.”
    Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

    On average a hedgehog’s heart beats 300 times a minute.

    More people are killed each year from bees than from snakes.

    The average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long or write approximately 50,000 English words.

    More people are allergic to cow’s milk than any other food.

    Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

    The placement of a donkey’s eyes in its’ heads enables it to see all four feet at all times!

    The six official languages of the United Nations are: English, French, Arabic, Chinese, Russian and Spanish.

    Earth is the only planet not named after a god.

    It’s against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.

    You’re born with 300 bones, but by the time you become an adult, you only have 206.

    Some worms will eat themselves if they can’t find any food!

    Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

    It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open

    The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old!

    The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

    Queen Elizabeth I regarded herself as a paragon of cleanliness. She declared that she bathed once every three months, whether she needed it or not

    Slugs have 4 noses.

    Owls are the only birds who can see the colour blue.

    A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years!

    A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!

    The average person laughs 10 times a day!

    An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • Agreed!

    OPEN UCW COMMENTS, get your facts straight, looks more like political battle with students stuck in the middle…

    University unhappy with NDP leader’s tactics

    Andrew Hopkins
    2012/03/29
    The leader of the BC NDP is coming under fire from the leadership at a private Vancouver University. New Democrat Adrian Dix is highlighting concerns he says were brought to him by foreign students at University Canada West. Drew Lawrenson, Vice President of UCW says the New Democrats are discrediting the school, before getting their side of the story.

    “We’re a highly regulated organization, institution, and we’ve worked closely with our regulators, and we strive for openness and conciliation in all our matters,” says Lawrenson. “We would always appreciate any approaches from members of the legislature before going to the media.”

    Lawrenson accuses Dix of using the institution’s students for political gain, but the NDP leader says about 30 people attending UCW have raised concerns to his party, over the quality of their education.

    “They feel disappointed, they feel that they haven’t got what they were promised and this sends, I think a very problematic message about British Columbia to the world,” says Dix.

    He says stricter regulation of the post secondary system is needed at the provincial level.

    “The classrooms are different than they thought they were going to get, quality of instruction is different than they thought they were going to get, and the value – in their view – of their eventual degrees is less than they thought they were going to get.”

    Dix claims the problems are hurting BC’s international reputation as a place to get a University education. Meanwhile Lawrenson defends the system his school has instituted to look after any problems.

    “We have an open door dispute resolution policy, and procedures in place. Doors are always open for staff and faculty, for students to approach them and express their concerns, and we have an excellent record of working through any student concerns.”

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • OPEN UCW COMMENTS, would you shut the F^%$ up! You have ruined more careers and students futures with your non-factual blubber… Here’s and idea, go get an education. I suggest not showing your face at UCW. There are a lot of pissed off students who would like to take a piece out of your cowardice ass!

    Overall Score: (5/5.00)
  • To the moderators: have you see what is happening with Eminata Group in BC, they are all over the news.

    Please open the University Canada West comments, there are many frustrated students who want to write about the university and are going to the ministry to complain about the fraud.

    Let the students write their frustrations on the website as well, it really helps the innocent students who may be thinking of joining this shameful university.

    Overall Score: (1/5.00)
  • Totally disappointed:
    I attended the Abbotsford campus CDI in 2007. I took the Addictions Worker diploma. I was told that I could get a job in Detox centres, recovery houses, hospitals, pretty much anywhere there was drug and alcohol issues. It took almost a year to get a work placement. I am still looking for a job in the Addictions field. No one will hire me due to lack of education, which is interesting since I completed the course with an ‘B’ average. The staff at the Abbotsford campus were rude, unprepared and unwilling to help. They told me my course was transferable and it was not. The instructors were incompetent and did not have teaching degrees. The instructor for my course was a former marriage counsellor who had NEVER taught a day in her life. I feel that I have waisted my time, my effort and my money attending this school. I will be paying off a student loan until I am 40 years old and no job to show for my efforts. I strongly advise NOT attending this school.

    Overall Score: (1/5.00)
  • I agree with Self-Study’s comments. I’ll add a bit of my experience as well.

    What does CDI really offer you? What are you getting for all that money?

    The course is crammed packed with so much info and so many different aspects of computing. You sit in class and do nothing more than read and/or simple labs, eg: install, VMWare, Linux or a service like MySQL – you could easily do this at home.

    1. your home computer is probably more powerful compared to what CDI has. You get 1 computer and it is shared so, you can’t have admin rights to do critical operations. What you do get is all virtualized scenarios, which has many drawbacks in my opinion.

    2. The software provided is nothing out-of-reach – download trial software, from MS, VMWare, etc. most are good for 30 to 90 days, some longer. The trialware is decent enough to get hands-on experience accomplished. On the Linux side every bit of software is free and each service you install has a wonderful man page (manual) to help you configure and set things up correctly. These man pages are also right up to date, unlike CDI books which some are 2+ years old.

    In a nutshell, for $16,000+, your are paying CDI for books (not necessarily new) and their exams (not the official CompTIA, MS, CCNA or Linux exams either). Everything else is done on your own accord. Does this sound appealing to you? You’d be better off self-studying or going to BCIT. Skip all these private colleges. There is next to zero help and the instructors just don’t care, I know this first hand and I see it daily.

    Overall Score: (1/5.00)
  • Save you time, money and energy by getting the real industry certs directly from CompTIA, MS, Cisco or whatever path you are taking. So-called IT schools like CDI offer nothing but disappointment.

    $15 to 20G for a Network Engineer Diploma through CDI

    _or_

    Buying books from Chapter’s and challenging the Official vendor certifications plus buying a modern computer, all under $3000.

    Overall Score: (1/5.00)
  • This has got to be the worst school in all of Canada. I’d rather learn in a basement from a reputable intellect than in this pathetic institution. Even worse, after ‘graduating’ I wanted to get my transcript to go back to an ACTUAL school, they charge you $35 dollars, and are too lazy to get it for you. The woman I spoke to was ‘Rita’ and she just beat around the bush telling me she was busy and ‘couldnt’ get me my transcript for this week with no other information.

    I urge everyone to steer well clear of this dump, biggest waste of money and a damn useless group of staff.

    GO TO HELL CDI.

    Overall Score: (1/5.00)
  • CDI has absolutely got to be the WORST “educational” institution I’ve ever had the misfortune of attending. There is no such thing as organization, no one has any idea of what is supposed to be taught in class and I think I have the laziest and worst teachers in the world! Considering I paid almost $15,000 for the course, I don’t think I got even $2000 worth of education. The quality of education is extremely poor, the level of incompetence is extremely high and everybody lies to you about how wonderful the school is just so they can sign you up. I urge all of you out there to do your research, google other reviews and if possible, pick any other school rather than this one! You will regret every moment you spend in this place that likes to think it’s a reputable institution but it’s more like chaotic kindergarten and the director decides what’s good for you since the teacher of the course cant be bothered to make a decision without the director’s permission!! Absolutely pathetic! This school is NOT designed to help you succeed but more to line their pockets while you get demoralized & ruined financially! DO NOT ATTEND!!

    Overall Score: (1.18/5.00)

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