Sexual Abstinence: 10 Good Reasons Not To Have Sex, From K.I.D.S. To Health Reasons, Consider These First
“There’s nothin wrong with me lovin’ you – And givin’ yourself to me can never be wrong, if the love is true,” sings Marvin Gaye in probably the most famous song ever written about making love, Let’s Get In On.
Wrong or right, true love or not – don’t ever expect to get a realistic view of human relationships from Hollywood, music videos, or pop culture. The truth is that sex is an exceptionally beautiful yet delicate issue, and it comes with many potential side effects that all too many people realize far too late in their decision making process.
- See also: Proven Ways To Last Longer In Bed (For Starters, You Can Practice Flexing Your Pubococcygeus)
The Many Delicate Side Effects Of Sex
In an age of sexting and twerking and torrents of internet porn, and an age in which younger generations seem to grow up way too fast – or perhaps never grow up at all – sexual relations seem to have lost a bit of sacredness, treated with far less caution and respect than perhaps is deserved. Leaving religious and moral views to the side for now, below are a few serious things to consider before gettin’ it on:
1. Avoid A S**t-Ton Of Diseases. It’s interesting how throughout world history, mankind has persecuted and ridiculed the Jews as being uptight and smug for maintaining cultural rules that prohibit things like eating bloody meat, eating pork, having homosexual relations, sleeping around – and… for circumcising their penises. It is clear, however, that these “uptight” rules are at least partly the reason why, over centuries, the Jews were able to bounce back from hardships (famine, plagues, etc) and were seemingly able to avoid getting a wide variety of viruses, diseases, and bacterial infections:
“…If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you.” – Exodus 15:26
While viewing diseases as “punishment” for sexual activity may be an archaic view, the truth is that the more you limit your intimate relationships, the less likely you will be to acquire a sexually transmitted infection, including: HIV/AIDS, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilus, hepatitis, tons of bacterias, and many more.
2. Avoid The Worst Disease Of All – K.I.D.S. Okay, just kidding. (But not really.) As controversial an organization as Planned Parenthood is, they derive their name from a solid philosophy: parents should, generally speaking, PLAN to have children – they really shouldn’t be an accident. Of course, there are tons of heart-warming stories about the “unexpected one” who “turned out alright” which are *very* nice and touching. But if you are at all concerned with being able to financially support your family and children, or with not looking like a total douche who is getting sued for child support, think twice before you spew your seed (or, whatever the opposite of that is called). And frankly, with one in every three American children living without a biological father, it would be kinda nice if more men took this to heart (especially black men.)
3. Srsly. Even Condoms Aren’t Perfect. So you think you’re clever, and brushed off the first two points because you went down to the drugstore and bought some rubbers, right? Just to clarify, young warrior, THERE IS NO WAY to effectively prohibit 100% of all sexual disease transmissions or reliably prevent getting pregnant, even with condom usage, the “pill” (birth control), or pulling out before you cum, etc. Some of the reasons why STDs (STIs) are never completely avoidable are: condom breakage, condom slippage, pre-ejaculate excretions, bleeding or tiny cuts in the vagina, penis, or anus, unpredictable actions of your partner OR body parts, untrustworthy claims made by your partner, microscopic viruses or diseases (i.e. HIV/AIDS) that are in fact smaller than the holes in latex condoms, and several other common risks.
4. Avoid Hurting Yourself, Or Others. While many people and organizations talk about the physical risks involved with having sex, very few mention the emotional and psychological risks that sexual relationships come with. Perhaps this is because it is difficult to scientifically quantify data to assert such risks even exists – but all it takes is a quick look around to see that having sex with someone immediately graduates the relationship to a new level capable of bigger disappointments, bigger misunderstandings, bigger crushed hopes, bigger tears, bigger outrage, and the list goes on.
“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”
― Woody Allen
Woody Allen was spot on. The age-old problem of course, is trying to engage in sexual activity while entirely avoiding any emotional involvement – and unless you’re some sort of cyborg, such attempts are most often impossible.
Pop culture is bogus. Romanticizing unfaithful partners on soap operas and Hollywood movies, and glorifying “alpha male” attitudes on the internet by way of PUA training forums and other bullsh*t does nothing but distort human perspectives. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen “bros” who think they are playing some chick fast and smooth come back in tears with a broken heart. Unless you are interested in a real relationship – or picking up the pieces along the way while toying with people’s emotions – you may want to consider keeping your snake it its cage (female snakes too).
5. Avoid Stunting Your Relationship. This might sound laughable, but it is one of the most common stories told by people who show up at Choices Pregnancy Centers across the U.S. Even if you are a responsible, mature, and caring gentleman (or lady), and have no plans to “toy with emotions” or have a “short fling” – sexual intercourse IMMEDIATELY changes everything between two people. By having sex too soon in a relationship, you can truly kill further growth of the relationship intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, even if it wasn’t your intent. The human mind is a complex and amazing thing – so amazing, in fact, that our reactions are often beyond our control. Read the below testimony of a CPC visitor talking about his college girlfriend, and how he wished he’d waited:
“People can relate on many different levels – emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited. For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to). I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage. It’s very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public.” – visitor to the CPC
After you have had sex with someone, you have experienced the absolutely most intimate thing you can with that person, and there is nothing “deeper” you can really pursue. Even if your relationship lasts, there may eventually be feelings of guilt and/or resentment regarding why you “took advantage” of your partner, or what you are really seeking in the relationship. Even if you partner seems eager to have sex with you, it is often to prove some level of love or dedication, but may later lead to mistrust, disinterest, or even worse, a lack of respect for each other, if pursued too soon.
6. Your Reputation And Future. Probably one of the BIGGEST things that younger people don’t consider when they’re out looking for a good time. This is relevant to everyone, even if you are not planning to be the President of the United States one day. Even if you are a nice person having sex with other nice people, the truth is that you can never trust other people completely. In other words, certain stories, details, or rumors tend to leak out at some point from your past relationships; if you are one of the lucky ones, there are no photos or videos involved. Every time you do something sexually intimate you are creating not only another memory – and emotional/psychological imprint – for yourself and that person, but also a potential rumor, or a potential career killer, or, or… you get the point. Wisdom and caution never hurt nobody.
7. Addiction: Enough Is Never Enough. Take a trip to some of the seedier cities in the world that cater to sex tourism and observe what type of “tourists” are living there. Almost without fail, it’s middle-aged men who have been divorced multiple times and/or cheated on their spouses multiple times and/or chronically FAIL at healthy relationships. The problem is that when you focus on “early sex” in relationships, it sets up a pattern in your mind to size up people based purely on their sexual appeal. And when you pursue people for sex instead of a strong intellectual or emotional bond, you will eventually get extremely bored – and inevitably, you will search out the next partner who allows you forget those missing elements again. Appreciating people for reasons of character, personality, and intellect are the only ways to build a healthy romance.
8. Sleeping With Virgins Is NOT Very Fun. For the guys out there looking to pick up “inexperienced” girls, there is a fantastic article over at AskMen (written by a woman) outlining reasons why sleeping with a virgin is not only a bad idea most of the time, but is also completely different from the fantasy it is often made out to be. Among the author’s very insightful reasons: it takes a lot of preparation/coaching/comforting, there is a high chance of huge “freakouts” (pain or guilt), they will be expecting a long-term relationship (again, you may hurt them greatly), and they don’t have many “skills” to put to use. Disclaimer: obviously, if you or your long-term partner is a virgin, and you decide together to take the next step (or, you know… marry), this isn’t relevant to you.
9. You May Have A Stupid Reason. Feeling horny is a pretty natural feeling. But even the stupidest, horniest forms of life on this planet often have secondary motivations – however minor – for hooking up. In a healthy relationship, hopefully you DO have other reasons for making love, such as wanting your partner to feel good, or wanting to display your affection. However, some of the stupider reasons for wanting to have sex, as documented by CNN, include the following: you feel sorry for your partner, you feel like a total prude, you just want to know “how it feels”, you want to clarify your sexual orientation, you want to show off to a circle of friends (recall the above), you want to get revenge on an ex-partner, and the list goes on… pretty much forever.
10. Lastly, Practical Reasons. A lot of women seem to Google this article because they are looking for excuses to tell guys who they don’t want to go home with. First of all, know that a fake excuse should NEVER be required. Any guy who pressures you to have sex with him is completely lacking in respect, and in that case, either call the police (no joke) or ask a trusted friend or relative to help you – or better yet, do both.
If you really do need a few one-liners, here’s a few from a “former prude“:
- I’m on my period
- I have a yeast infection
- You don’t have any condoms
- I forgot to take my birth control pill
- We should get tested for STDs first
- I have diarrhea / I am really sick right now
Update 7/21/2014: Article moderately re-written. Originally published March 13, 2011.