Sexual Abstinence: 10 Good Reasons Not To Have Sex, From K.I.D.S. To Health Reasons, Consider These First

By    |  July 20, 2014

There’s nothin wrong with me lovin’ you – And givin’ yourself to me can never be wrong, if the love is true,” sings Marvin Gaye in probably the most famous song ever written about making love, Let’s Get In On.

Wrong or right, true love or not – don’t ever expect to get a realistic view of human relationships from Hollywood, music videos, or pop culture. The truth is that sex is an exceptionally beautiful yet delicate issue, and it comes with many potential side effects that all too many people realize far too late in their decision making process.

The Many Delicate Side Effects Of Sex

In an age of sexting and twerking and torrents of internet porn, and an age in which younger generations seem to grow up way too fast – or perhaps never grow up at all – sexual relations seem to have lost a bit of sacredness, treated with far less caution and respect than perhaps is deserved. Leaving religious and moral views to the side for now, below are a few serious things to consider before gettin’ it on:

1. Avoid A Shit-Ton Of Diseases. It’s interesting how throughout world history, mankind has persecuted and ridiculed the Jews as being uptight and smug for maintaining cultural rules that prohibit things like eating bloody meat, eating pork, having homosexual relations, sleeping around – and… for circumcising their penises. It is clear, however, that these “uptight” rules are at least partly the reason why, over centuries, the Jews were able to bounce back from hardships (famine, plagues, etc) and were seemingly able to avoid getting a wide variety of viruses, diseases, and bacterial infections:

“…If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you.” – Exodus 15:26

While viewing diseases as “punishment” for sexual activity may be an archaic view, the truth is that the more you limit your intimate relationships, the less likely you will be to acquire a sexually transmitted infection, including: HIV/AIDS, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilus, hepatitis, tons of bacterias, and many more.

2. Avoid The Worst Disease Of All – K.I.D.S. Okay, just kidding. (But not really.) As controversial an organization as Planned Parenthood is, they derive their name from a solid philosophy: parents should, generally speaking, PLAN to have children – they really shouldn’t be an accident. Of course, there are tons of heart-warming stories about the “unexpected one” who “turned out alright” which are *very* nice and touching. But if you are at all concerned with being able to financially support your family and children, or with not looking like a total douche who is getting sued for child support, think twice before you spew your seed (or, whatever the opposite of that is called). And frankly, with one in every three American children living without a biological father, it would be kinda nice if more men took this to heart (especially black men.)

3. Srsly. Even Condoms Aren’t Perfect. So you think you’re clever, and brushed off the first two points because you went down to the drugstore and bought some rubbers, right? Just to clarify, young warrior, THERE IS NO WAY to effectively prohibit 100% of all sexual disease transmissions or reliably prevent getting pregnant, even with condom usage, the “pill” (birth control), or pulling out before you cum, etc. Some of the reasons why STDs (STIs) are never completely avoidable are: condom breakage, condom slippage, pre-ejaculate excretions, bleeding or tiny cuts in the vagina, penis, or anus, unpredictable actions of your partner OR body parts, untrustworthy claims made by your partner, microscopic viruses or diseases (i.e. HIV/AIDS) that are in fact smaller than the holes in latex condoms, and several other common risks.

4. Avoid Hurting Yourself, Or Others. While many people and organizations talk about the physical risks involved with having sex, very few mention the emotional and psychological risks that sexual relationships come with. Perhaps this is because it is difficult to scientifically quantify data to assert such risks even exists – but all it takes is a quick look around to see that having sex with someone immediately graduates the relationship to a new level capable of bigger disappointments, bigger misunderstandings, bigger crushed hopes, bigger tears, bigger outrage, and the list goes on.

“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”

Woody Allen

Woody Allen was spot on. The age-old problem of course, is trying to engage in sexual activity while entirely avoiding any emotional involvement – and unless you’re some sort of cyborg, such attempts are most often impossible.

Pop culture is bogus. Romanticizing unfaithful partners on soap operas and Hollywood movies, and glorifying “alpha male” attitudes on the internet by way of PUA training forums and other bullsh*t does nothing but distort human perspectives. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen “bros” who think they are playing some chick fast and smooth come back in tears with a broken heart. Unless you are interested in a real relationship – or picking up the pieces along the way while toying with people’s emotions – you may want to consider keeping your snake it its cage (female snakes too).

5. Avoid Stunting Your Relationship. This might sound laughable, but it is one of the most common stories told by people who show up at Choices Pregnancy Centers across the U.S. Even if you are a responsible, mature, and caring gentleman (or lady), and have no plans to “toy with emotions” or have a “short fling” – sexual intercourse IMMEDIATELY changes everything between two people. By having sex too soon in a relationship, you can truly kill further growth of the relationship intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, even if it wasn’t your intent. The human mind is a complex and amazing thing – so amazing, in fact, that our reactions are often beyond our control. Read the below testimony of a CPC visitor talking about his college girlfriend, and how he wished he’d waited:

“People can relate on many different levels – emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited. For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to). I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage. It’s very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public.” – visitor to the CPC

After you have had sex with someone, you have experienced the absolutely most intimate thing you can with that person, and there is nothing “deeper” you can really pursue. Even if your relationship lasts, there may eventually be feelings of guilt and/or resentment regarding why you “took advantage” of your partner, or what you are really seeking in the relationship. Even if you partner seems eager to have sex with you, it is often to prove some level of love or dedication, but may later lead to mistrust, disinterest, or even worse, a lack of respect for each other, if pursued too soon.

6. Your Reputation And Future. Probably one of the BIGGEST things that younger people don’t consider when they’re out looking for a good time. This is relevant to everyone, even if you are not planning to be the President of the United States one day. Even if you are a nice person having sex with other nice people, the truth is that you can never trust other people completely. In other words, certain stories, details, or rumors tend to leak out at some point from your past relationships; if you are one of the lucky ones, there are no photos or videos involved. Every time you do something sexually intimate you are creating not only another memory – and emotional/psychological imprint – for yourself and that person, but also a potential rumor, or a potential career killer, or, or… you get the point. Wisdom and caution never hurt nobody.

7. Addiction: Enough Is Never Enough. Take a trip to some of the seedier cities in the world that cater to sex tourism and observe what type of “tourists” are living there. Almost without fail, it’s middle-aged men who have been divorced multiple times and/or cheated on their spouses multiple times and/or chronically FAIL at healthy relationships. The problem is that when you focus on “early sex” in relationships, it sets up a pattern in your mind to size up people based purely on their sexual appeal. And when you pursue people for sex instead of a strong intellectual or emotional bond, you will eventually get extremely bored – and inevitably, you will search out the next partner who allows you forget those missing elements again. Appreciating people for reasons of character, personality, and intellect are the only ways to build a healthy romance.

8. Sleeping With Virgins Is NOT Very Fun. For the guys out there looking to pick up “inexperienced” girls, there is a fantastic article over at AskMen (written by a woman) outlining reasons why sleeping with a virgin is not only a bad idea most of the time, but is also completely different from the fantasy it is often made out to be. Among the author’s very insightful reasons: it takes a lot of preparation/coaching/comforting, there is a high chance of huge “freakouts” (pain or guilt), they will be expecting a long-term relationship (again, you may hurt them greatly), and they don’t have many “skills” to put to use. Disclaimer: obviously, if you or your long-term partner is a virgin, and you decide together to take the next step (or, you know… marry), this isn’t relevant to you.

9. You May Have A Stupid Reason. Feeling horny is a pretty natural feeling. But even the stupidest, horniest forms of life on this planet often have secondary motivations – however minor – for hooking up. In a healthy relationship, hopefully you DO have other reasons for making love, such as wanting your partner to feel good, or wanting to display your affection. However, some of the stupider reasons for wanting to have sex, as documented by CNN, include the following: you feel sorry for your partner, you feel like a total prude, you just want to know “how it feels”, you want to clarify your sexual orientation, you want to show off to a circle of friends (recall the above), you want to get revenge on an ex-partner, and the list goes on… pretty much forever.

10. Lastly, Practical Reasons. A lot of women seem to Google this article because they are looking for excuses to tell guys who they don’t want to go home with. First of all, know that a fake excuse should NEVER be required. Any guy who pressures you to have sex with him is completely lacking in respect, and in that case, either call the police (no joke) or ask a trusted friend or relative to help you – or better yet, do both.

If you really do need a few one-liners, here’s a few from a “former prude“:

Update 7/21/2014: Article moderately re-written. Originally published March 13, 2011.

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41 Comments on “Sexual Abstinence: 10 Good Reasons Not To Have Sex, From K.I.D.S. To Health Reasons, Consider These First”  (RSS)

  1. I really like this article and I give the writer a star

  2. The reference to Black Men was insensitive…You just alienTe certain groups the way you say things…I was almost respecting what some things you said..but you turn me off….now go fuck yourself nice and slow

  3. Some of the linked articles act to delegitimize the author and the whole piece. The voices are completely different: this piece coming up with (mostly) good reasons to wait, while some linked articles come from obvious proponents of casual, pre-martial, self-gratification-based sex. Why the hell are you linking to Ask Men about how disappointing/boring virgins are (um, insulting much?) and another about former excuse-making by a self-proclaimed slut?

  4. I not sure if this sounds good but if there was one thing about having sex then well……… I’m NOT SURE

  5. yolo

  6. i rather dont have sex at all or any of the sorts, i’d rather keep to my own self.

  7. i have abstained from sex after i find out its against Gods teaching but i want to ask is kissing hugging and romance also sex cos i think its not for there is no penetration but am open to advices and contribution.

    • I would say the same thing ?

    • God did actually not say that He said that you shouldn’t do it until after marriage

  8. please I need an advice. my first boy friend and I separated because of sex,I never wants sex but he wanted it even to the extent of attempting raping me after our 5 years of relationship. now I am into a relationship and still don’t wish to have sex till after marriage,not because I don’t love my partner but for my vow to God to keep my virginity till marriage. I am 26 years and my boy friend is 23 years, he says all he plans is to settle down with me and that practically will be possible after his graduation from the university in 2018. he wants sex though more concerned with romance and I don’t want sex or anything that looks like it. he accuses me of having negative reasons of not allowing him and which is not true. I feel it will equally cause our separation. please what do I do? you can chat me up on whatsapp with 08098544593, thanks.

    • I’m happy for your vow to God. It seems you are a godfearing person. My dear, in life, bible warns us to flee from all appearance of evil 1 Thesis 5:22. God is our first lover, our partners are our second lovers. The truth is having sex with your boyfriend will not guarantee unbroken relationship. Using myself as an example, I have had many sex driven relationships which all broke up. The sex I had in these relationship was wonderful and satisfying but sex could not protect my relationship from breaking. Another hard truth, I discovered in my broken relationships, that as soon I had sex with the new girl, I lost her respect and she lost mine too, I lost her trust and she lost mine too,suspicion set in. I broke up with the last girl yesterday being 13 December 2015, we were having good sex yet there was no joy in the relationship. The time we felt peace was only whenever we were on bed makinh love. So you see sex couldnot protect my relationship. As I was reflecting on the break up, God led me to google and to this acticle. This acticle has answered my question of why did my relationships of the past failed? I found out why, which is abstianence still marriage. The only surest foundation for a lasting relationship is God. If your boyfriend respects you, he should respect your values. Pressuring you into sex is a red flag. Let me advice you as a man that I am. Men tend to lose interest in a woman after sex. Also consider this, your virginity is a scarce commodity in this present world laden with immorality, its your precious gift to your husband and he will leave forver to appreciate you for this gift and once you lose this gift you have lost it. Any man that shares the same values (abstaining from sex before marriage) is the right person to be with. Most times we find ourselves falling in love to the wrong person. Bible says flee from fornication… 1 corin 6:18. I hope this is helpful.

  9. TBH, I had sex with a virgin but it was horrible after. She wanted to but I did and didn’t at the same time. It happened and I regret it. I have a girlfriend now. She’s a virgin. We both want to. Here’s the catch. I don’t want to. Here’s why. I see virgins as sacred. I don’t want to break that. She said oh if you love me then make love. I told her that I don’t need to do that to show her love. I love her with or without sex. I don’t care if we do it or not, as long as she’s my girl then I don’t give a fuck. We had been talking for almost 2 years. So not having sex isn’t a big problem for me. It’s just that she really want to and nothing holding her back. What should I do?

    • I would go for it but take it slowly and easly
      There is no rush or hurry
      Just make sure you do not hurt her in anyway and plan what you are gonna do to her out

  10. Dumb.

  11. I feel dumber for reading this.

  12. im in high school and my friends thinks she might be pregnant but she dont want to tell the guy because she thinks he will try to kill the baby. he is a player and dosent want people to know that they “hooked up” but he will eventually know because he stomach will get bigger. so what should she do? and just so you all know its not me im 15 and dont plan on sex until out of colledge and if a guy tries to force me to ill kick his a**.so i dont think she should be around him anymore but she says she loves him i asked he what love meant she said “i dont know”.

    • Get a pregnancy test and rule out whether she is pregnant or not. If she is, she can decide what she wants to do about a possible baby once she knows for certain. If she is, she should tell a family member. Hiding a pregnancy is never a very good idea. It’s good to have as much support through the process of deciding to keep or terminate the pregnancy as early as possible.Your friend should also have her mind made up 100% on what she wants to do about her baby before she informs her boyfriend. It’s her body and her choice.

    • She needs to tell him no matter the pain
      Its better if its told to him insted of him finding out as she will lose his trust

    • M 16 yrs old n i hv a boyfrnd..since 4 yrs we bth r in a relationship….n since 1 yr we bth r gettng intimate….bt i realize tht all boys r nt same or grls also…
      Becoz whn we had sex frst time…thn aftr our relation may wrk very gud…n nw we bth r very happy……
      Bt i hv one question..n the question is…..
      If i do sex wid my bf at one day in a week….so wil cause any typ of prblm or nt…plz reply me…n answer me..

  13. I am Arab, and my mother tongue is Arabic, but I have read all the article until the end because it is really very attractive to me as I am a religious man. I have noticed that the author has quoted from, maybe the Torah, and I’d like to announce that in the Holy Quraan; the Islamic Holy Book, Allah tThe Almighty; God, says, ‘Do not get near to adultery as it is obscenity and a bad route.’
    Note: this my translation of the holy verse.

  14. I am a 22 young boy and i am very good boy in the age of 16.But one day i am seeing beautiful girl his name was suganiya she is working poomeys nighties in besant day heavy rain am wear kurtha,she is wear white chuditar dresses are very wet she is think in sex after 10 min she is looking in and out.After 25 min she is different but i not know i am seeing my girl frnd and she is started remove dress (without dress) i am seeing but not think badly….A few min going i am not get condomn i am fucking in 7hrs after 3 months she is pregnant.But she is working not to avoid sex but i am continue fuck, caused very too weak to health.she is gone to GH and to destroy the baby….

  15. My penis is too pure to ever be polluted by some smelly cunt…after all ya never known where she’s been.

    • translation… nobody wants to fuck with you, and all you have left is masturbation.

  16. i am a guy who wasnt sure about having sex while in college, this is fuckin stupid article and am totally gonna do it now.
    ps biting off someones dick will cause them to bleed to death so ull go to jail for murder and before he bleeds out hell prob kill u

  17. If I had avoided s*x until after college… I would have not met a stalker who has pursued me for over 30 years… not got pregnant… not contracted PID (which could lead to cancer)… and I would have been able to finish school and would have a better job today. Please girls, do yourself a favor keep your nose in a book and a vibrator in you nightstand until you have a degree. Take care of yourself first. If you can’t make it on your own it will not help dragging others along with you for support.

  18. Also LoLo I’m sorry that happened to you. That is a hard situation to be in and I’m glad you felt the comfort to share it so others could learn from it. Thank you for your post : )

  19. Hi everyone, well I’d like to say that each of you has a valid point in one way or another. I fell upon this article while looking for MORE information on STI’s and well here are my thoughts.

    First off, my husband and I started having sex when we got engaged. He was a 28 year old virgin and I was a 19 year old virgin. We started having sex before “marriage” but it was something that we talked about, agreed upon, and prayed about (for those of you that don’t appreciate religion I won’t say sorry I’ll just say it is apart of who I am so accept me for it). It complicated thing more than we expected but I have NEVER once doubted my husband or whether or not he will be faithful to me. We spent 3 years living 8 hours apart while dating and engaged and an additional 4 months apart after marriage and he is getting ready to go to an 8 month training in which I will not be able to see him. And yet there is no doubt in my mind that he is devoted to me.

    Sex makes things complicate, it can hurt if done incorrectly and with the wrong person (both male and females) and it CAN be a HORRIBLE thing. But sex is a VERY BEAUTIFUL thing if shared between two people who have committed themselves to each other and love each other. If my husband had had sexual encounters previous to me I’d be more nervous but he didn’t so I’m not.

    It has nothing to do with whether you have sex or don’t have sex it has EVERY bit to do with who, when, why and how many times, and your reasons behind it. Sex is a conscious decision that CAN NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY!

    Sex was designed for procreation this is correct but it is also a passionate thing that God allowed to be pleasurable, and yes we are suppose to ENJOY it with our LIFE partner just not every person we meet at a club or on the street. Natasha, I agree that this article should be named different but I also have to tell you that young relationships are hard (I know)! and the younger the harder so if you are not with someone that is also 18 with a little bit of “adult” experience like I don’t know making a decision then its probably not yet a decision they should be making to have sex.

    And actually the quote goes “were not born to make love we are born to love”… and sex isn’t making love unless you actually LOVE the individual your are “making love to”… Sorry but I think this is a decision that each individual needs to make for themselves and I hope that my response will shed some light to knew thinking, life is a test the question is whether or not you will choose the right answers NO and Yes when taking it. My suggestion WAIT… you’ll know when it is the right time and it wont be JUST an emotional thing or a hormonal thing you will be different you’ll see. : )

    • Are you mentally challenged?
      I bet your husband was not a virgin, and still has to fuck with prostitutes to overcome having a non sexual wife.

  20. Sorry about my grammar and lack of words in some of my sentences. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but if you are going to say something, base it upon fact. If you do a little bit of research. Most of the evidence greatly pulls towards abstaining from sex.

  21. Uhhhhh, no to Lolo and Natasha. First Lolo, Sexual urges are just like any urges you may or may not have. You may have the urge to punch someone, but you nomally don’t punch them due to self discipline. (Unless you have rage issues) Sex is so mainstream that people think you have to do it. We don’t train our self discipline enough to say no to certain things. Peer Pressure says you have to sex, when both physically and mentally it is not nessecary. If not there be way more craziness among Catholic priest then there was and probably is. Just because some people lack it doesn’t mean everyone does. Most of the addictive hormones produece by sex can’t produce any other way. So lets say if you self-serve a lot, then you will get addicted to that as well. If you never had alcohol, you can never become addicted to it.

    Natasha, I am sorry to tell you this, but there is no factual evidence to back you up on your belief. The truth of the matter is most relationships go into a state of decline after sex. You have a 50% higher divorce rate if you have sex before marriage. Your chances of your spouse committing Infidelity increases greatly when sex accrues before marriage. I don’t know if you want to get married one day? why would it hurt to wait a year or to get married? I mean, if you truely love someone, then wouldn’t it be better if you do everything you can, so you can be with them for the rest of there life? I can go on and talk about how probably everyone in college doesn’t know the difference between love and lust, but that would be an article by itself.

    • “You have a 50% higher divorce rate if you have sex before marriage. ”

      Im guessing we all make up numbers right now? LOL

  22. hell no what the heck/

  23. I will personally tesify that there is a great deal of validity with regards this article.However YOU will NEED to have sex some time or risk becomming a sexual devient sleeping with little boys,your subordinates,becomming a faggot,little girls, prostitutes ,peoples wives, serial wanking.SEX cannot be avoided..but it can be delayed.

    Avoiding sex is exactly what lead me into serious trouble.After 32 years of being a virgin as a result of “justified” failure to develope healthy relations with girls at college and chronic shyness.I believed the right thing to do would be to wait untill I have a decent job then better relationships would follow.Any way because of poorly developed inter sex skills I bought a prostitute and had “condom protected sex” after two days I noticed some genital warts and two weeks after a battery of terrible viral symptoms.I lost it and wanted to die as I believed I had contracted HIV.
    I did all sorts of stupid stuff to the point of almost loosing my job.2 years and 37 hiv tests later im negative and am suspected to have contracted hpv.If it wasnt for the assurance of the Drs Hook (med help),Bob(the body) and the moderators of the hiv community (med help) I would have long committed suicide.

    Poster is right condoms can fail you if you dont follow proper proceedure or you are just unlucky.BUT sex is a monster that requires an outlet.Beyond 30yrs expect diminishing returns with regards viginity.

  24. Natasha is more reasonable than the other prudes. Sex is somthing enjoyed in a comitted relationship. Saying that relationships and sex dont go hand in hand is quite silly.

  25. The best part about this article is that religion isn’t mentioned once.

  26. Great article! I will share it with my family’s Kids who will be in this war zone soon [& a few failure to lauch types too in our lives]. Thanks

  27. I completely disagree with the above comment and agree with this article. People need to stop making sex a goal or bonus of a relationship. Somewhere along the way, we forgot the PURPOSE of sex: to make babies and repopulate the planet. Period. The pleasure we get from it is just a perk — after all, if sex didn’t feel good, we wouldn’t do it and the human race would die out. Unfortunately, we no longer have the self-control to see sex for what it is. Babies are now “consequences.” Having sex without planning to make a baby is like eating just to taste food but not to digest it. It doesn’t make sense.

    And to the above commenter: if our parents loved each other for the sex or if sex were the ultimate way of expressing their feelings, then they wouldn’t have a mature relationship. It’d get old after a while. That’s one of the reasons why married people cheat. They want a new “experience.” There’d better be something deeper keeping them together because they won’t always be able to have sex anyway. Why? Lack of time, disagreement, sickness, old age, etc. There are other ways to be intimate with someone, and if they can’t find any, their relationship won’t last.

    We’re not born to make love but to show love.

  28. But if you’re in a serious, committed relationship with a person that is willing to help you if sex causes serious problems, then sex is a great way to express mature intimacy and feelings. Maybe an 18 year old can’t understand the maturity with which his parents love each other, but he can love another teenager to the best of his abilities. This article should be titled “10 Reasons Not To Sleep Around,” because then, these points are definitely valid.

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