Lasting Longer In Bed: 10 Proven Methods That Work, From Mental Games To Flexing Your Pubococcygeus
In the vast world that exists under the covers, perhaps nothing is so misunderstood as premature ejaculation – a condition where, in the simplest of terms, certain men have trouble lasting very long in bed. It is the butt of an endless onslaught of jokes and the cause of just as many worries, as millions of guys around the world lose evermore confidence with each new “sexual enhancement” drug that is released.
- See Also: 10 Great Reasons Not To Have Sex – From K.I.D.S. To Health Reasons, Consider These Before You Dabble
You wanna know the truth? Nearly every guy, at some point in his life, has struggled with or worried about lasting longer while making love.
I first wrote this article back in 2009 to cover a hot topic that not very many writers were willing to cover. To my surprise, approximately 50% of the users coming to this page over the past few years have been WOMEN and not MEN. Turns out, guys are so self-conscious about this issue that their ladies end up worrying about it too. But in a large number of cases (and Google searches), ladies seem to be researching solutions out of shame, or guilt – NOT because they are upset or disappointed with their beau.
“How can I help my boyfriend last longer in bed?” is one of the most popular search terms bringing users to this page. For that reason, I decided to re-write this article a bit. (In the latest version, you’ll find a bit more information for the ladies.)
Background On Premature Ejaculation
As explained on Wikipedia, premature ejaculation is a broad term that many doctors and specialists consider to exist when a man reaches climax before his sexual partner does in more than 50% of their bedroom encounters. PE has also been described (somewhat erroneously) as occurring if a man reaches climax within two minutes of penetration; however, a survey by Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s demonstrated that up to three quarters of men in the world usually reach climax within two minutes. Of course, with pharmaceutical companies spending $3 billion per year on advertising, not to mention the sexual overload of modern pop culture, it’s no wonder that “lasting longer” is a practically daily concern for so many people now. In any regard, most sex therapists these days simply understand premature ejaculation to be occurring whenever a lack of control interferes with the “well-being” of one or both romantic partners. Wow!
Again, here’s the point: Nearly all men have “suffered” from some form of poor bedroom performance at some point, if they are sexually active. It’s not something to be ashamed about, and in fact, its quite normal most of the time. And, ladies, at no point should you ever feel that you’ve “failed” as a woman or lover. That being said, there are some simple – yet rather helpful – tips that anyone can try, in order to last a bit longer:
Common Methods For Lasting Longer
1. Squeeze your penis. Perhaps the most practical tip around. If you squeeze your penis just below the head during bedroom activity (you may have to, you know, pull out for a minute), you can significantly reduce blood flow, which is the main cause of over-stimulation. Plus, the head of the penis is the most sensitive part, in general – all the more reason for this approach. Simply squeeze gently for a good 5-30 seconds (or however much time you can spare). Use the downtime for something less stimulating, i.e. kissing. Ladies: if your man becomes sensitive easily, you can also take control by pulling him out every so often and squeezing his Johnson for him just below the head with 2-3 fingers. Obviously, this shouldn’t be done in such a way that ADDS stimulation, i.e. no grab-and-jack.
2. Think disgusting thoughts. Definitely not practical, but hey, it really works for some guys. Look down and imagine you are sticking it in Quasimodo or something. I don’t know, you decide. Anything that makes you want to throw up and is a complete turn-off. Ladies: this is probably NOT one of the methods you could/should help with…
3. Cause pain to your body. Okay let’s qualify this: cause pain to your body somewhere else besides your shlong. For the record, this is also a good way to pass a polygraph test – causing pain during “true” answers increases blood flow to the body – thus, increased blood flow that occurs during “lies” appears to be at normal levels. The concept is the same for genital stimulation: causing pain to another area of the body distracts your brain to focus on the most urgent matter at hand, which is ALWAYS pain. Biting your tongue is usually a favorite strategy, and easy to accomplish under the sheets (or at the police station). Ladies: again, this is probably not one you should help with – in worst case scenarios, your man has been secretly craving a round of S&M and causing him pain might actually get him off!
4. Only go tip deep. Recall Vince Vaughn’s monologue in Wedding Crashers where he proposes playing “a little game called ‘just the tip’ … just for a second!”:
“Janice, I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don’t like the feeling. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I’m not really interested, should I play like I’m interested but I’m not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she’s not interested? So all of the sudden I’m getting, I’m starting to get interested… And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it’s awkward, it’s like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you’re trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don’t kiss them at all? It’s very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you’re just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called ‘just the tip’. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you’re on my hair.” — Jeremy Grey, Wedding Crashers
“Just the tip” shouldn’t require much explanation. After you are well into a passionate go, taking a break from the deeper action is wise – perhaps even mandatory – if you don’t want to finish too soon. As a bonus, your madam will also probably appreciate the change-up as it has the ability to “reset” some of her own areas of stimulation. Obviously, it may take some practice to find an… angle? depth? that feels good to her while still giving him a pause from the drilling. Ladies: this is a perfect place for you to help out, as most guys think that pounding away at you like a jackhammer is what girls want. Kindly suggest (or better yet, simply maneuver) a “shallower” approach from time to time.
5. Slow. Down. A simple tip, but it’s one that everyone forgets when the lights go out. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Not only is going in “deep” severely overrated, but rapid-fire gunnery is as well. Don’t worry boys – unless you signed a contract recently for a reality TV show without knowing it, there shouldn’t be anyone outside of your partner judging your libido. There’s probably a time and place for speed demons in the bed; as your relationship grows and your skills improve, these times and places will become more obvious to you. In the meanwhile, you are trying to figure out how to last longer – and slowing down is not only more romantic to most girls, but sets the stage for endurance as well. It becomes a bit of a mental game as the minutes tick onward, so show some self-control and work on your pace. Ladies: you know what to do.
Popular suggestion from readers: practice masturbating alone, but stop before you are going to climax. Then, repeat. Such a cycle can help you develop a physical – and psychological – stamina when it comes time for the real thing.
6. Take some sort of break. Let’s be honest: one of the main reasons why so many guys worry about their stamina is because they’re spending so much time fapping to porn clips on the web. In other words, guys notice that Fabio can last for nearly 45 minutes (!) in that latest Jenna Jameson video, and start to believe that its normal behavior. In fact, however, if you cut out the 20 minutes of slap and tickle in the beginning of most adult “performances” – and factor in the Viagra and Caverject injections that some guys take before the shooting begins – the truth begins to emerge. On top of that, you’ll notice quite a few camera angle changes and tricks; for example, the crew may stop filming for a minute here and there to take still shots (photography). In some scenes, i.e. doggystyle medleys, the male actor isn’t even inside her at all (this stunt is also used in many Hollywood blockbusters with A-list stars who can’t – or won’t – do the real thing). So stop beating yourself up, men. Fabio’s other secret is that he takes frequent “breaks” whenever he becomes over-stimulated – whether it be “going down” on her for a minute, changing positions, grabbin’ a BJ here and there, and what not. Ladies: one of the best ways you can help out. If your guy forgets to take breaks, give one to him. Yes, that was a euphemism.
7. Clear the tubes beforehand. If you don’t want to be a minuteman on a big date, or screw up a romantic night with your woman, then it never hurts to unload your gun before you go out – and it usually helps you last longer later on. There is really no better way to illustrate this point than quoting from There’s Something About Mary:
Dom: You choke the chicken before any big date, don’t you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That’s like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that’s why you’re nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you’ve had sex with a girl, and you’re lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you’re not, why?
Ted: Cause I’m tired…
Dom: Wrong! It’s ’cause you ain’t got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will f**k you’re head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load – now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you’re no longer trying to get laid, you’re actually… you’re thinking like a girl, and girls love that.
Here’s an easier way of saying it: don’t bring blue balls to the bedroom. And a quick disclaimer – if you are going to clear the tubes, make sure you have at least a few hours to regenerate the dumbbells. The last thing you want is a limp sausage on a big night.
8. Practice flexing your pubococcygeus. This is probably the best kept sex secret in the entire universe. Both men and women have what are commonly referred to as Kegel muscles, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel. These are the muscles that you squeeze when you are trying to stop peeing or pooping mid-stream. It’s extremely difficult for most males (and females) to stop peeing, because we never practice flexing these muscles. If you can build up strength and control of these muscles, however, not only can you learn to “hold in” your ejaculation for longer, but you can also have larger ejaculations (that, as a side benefit, also shoot farther) because you will be able to blast more semen out of your system. Blowing your load with force – now THAT has some serious primal benefit. Not only so, but rumor has it that some guys have learned to jack themselves off using only their Kegel muscles. That is crazy stuff. Ladies: this exercise is of just as much benefit to you as it is to men. Turns out, excercising your Kegel muscles can help tighten the vagina, and even help you perform Pompoir (a.k.a. “playing the flute” or “the Singapore grip”).
9. Alcohol. More of an inaccurate home remedy more than anything else. Alcohol DOES indeed often help men last longer in bed, but the reasoning is somewhat backwards logic. Ever since magic elixirs like wine, beer, and whiskey were discovered by mankind, they’ve been used to numb pain and kill bacteria, among many other sorts of things. Alcohol not only numbs the body’s senses, but it also significantly thins the blood (lowers pressure). Therefore, drinking alcohol before sex often decreases feelings of stimulation, and indirectly helps men “last longer” because they cannot achieve an otherwise typical erection. The effects tend to differ greatly between various men – not to mention the health issues associated with regular alcohol consumption. Tread carefully in experimenting with this solution, as it may breed more negative than positive results.
Alternative (healthier?) solution suggested by readers: WEED.
10. If all else fails… “those” drugs. I’d rather not suggest it, but with millions of men around the world using drugs like Cialis and Viagra to obtain harder, longer-lasting erections, this option needs to be mentioned. As in most cases, medicine should be used as a last resort as it usually puts additional strain on internal organs like the liver and kidneys (as does alcohol, of course). There IS however, a major side effect to these drugs: as with alcohol, “penis drugs” can often decrease genital sensitivity. So, even though you might be sporting a massive boner and feeling pretty good about yourself, you may end up not feeling very much of what goes down. And now, with brands trying to obtain permission to sell these drugs over-the-counter without a prescription, they will probably be much easier to obtain. Lastly, please keep in mind that most of the “NATURAL POTION!” products you see for sale at 7/11 to increase libido or “shoot farther!” are merely gimmicks, and should be avoided, unless you like wasting money on ginseng and crap like that.
Update 6/1/2014: Article significantly re-written. First published 3 November, 2009.